


the weird summer

by ghibliterritory



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon, Recreational Drug Use, The boys are scared of the future so they take a road trip, They don't know how to talk emotions, They stop at interesting places and do interesting things, Trans Charlie Dalton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 01:30:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 33,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15426075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghibliterritory/pseuds/ghibliterritory
Summary: The future is a scary thing. They all know it. Once it comes, the Dead Poets will be gone forever. That's what it feels like. So, to avoid the inevitability of it, they spend some last moments together as a society. As friends.





	1. Rice Krispie Treats

**Author's Note:**

> This is gonna be messy, and I'm probably never gonna update it, but who knows. Hope y'all like it!

“Come on, assholes, I’m not gonna wait forever!”

 

The voice of Knox didn’t have to reach far, as the rest of the boys spilled out of his house with bags in hands. They looked tired, having gotten no sleep the night before over their own excitement. Wellton has released its students for the summer, and after graduating, the boys realized that they only had so much time left before their lives began and they parted. Talking about it, Charlie had mentioned travelling with a clear laugh on his lips. The joke gave Neil an idea, and he encouraged the others words. Meeks mentioned places they could go, Cameron what they would need. And a joke became a set in stone plan before any of them could blink. As was the nature of the Dead Poets.

 

“Can you believe it?” Neil asked, grinning a grin only the sun could envy as he climbed into the van the boys had all bought for the trip. “Two months, just us on the road! I think a lot of romantics did this sort of thing, y’know.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s a poets wet dream.” Charlie followed him in, along with the others, and didn’t bother asking before scooting close to Neil in the back of the van. Cameron, dick he was, claimed the passenger seat. “Until we kill each other.”

 

Laughing, Neil elbowed him in the ribs. “Optimism, Nuwanda. We put up with each other at Hell-ton, what’s the difference?”

 

“Less space, less time focused on class, and sharing a room with you. We all know how bad that is.” Meeks said, before letting himself get comfortable on the padded out floor of the van. He leaned back on one of the pillows fast enough to avoid a smack from Charlie. “Yeah, like you don’t mutter Latin phrases in your damn sleep and keep us all awake.” “At least I don’t sound like a chainsaw when I snore like Perry!”

 

“Can we please forget this and focus on the fact that this is gonna be fun as hell?” The unproclaimed leader said, shutting the other two up as he looked across the van at Todd. Of course, his friend looked nervous, eyes shifting as he gazed out the window. Neil furrowed his brow and reached out, putting a calming hand on his knee to grab his attention. Thankfully, it worked, and Todd gave him a weak smile.

 

“I’m okay. Just... Never been in a car for so long." He muttered quietly. It seemed like a sketchy answer. “Well, good thing you don’t have to break that record!” Charlie spoke up with a smirk. “It’s a van, not a car.”

 

He narrowly avoided a jab to his side before Knox turned back. “Okay, everyone ready?”

 

A choir of affirmatives came back in response, and with the magic turn of a key, the van started and lead them towards their first stop.

 

* * *

 

 

“What did you bring for snacks, Cameron?” Pitts had the box of food in his lap, rummaging through. It was all junk- potato chips, cookies, raisins (damn it, Meeks), the like. Cameron turned to the back and thought about it.

 

“Uh, some Lays, two packs of gum… oh, and my mom’s Rice Krispie treats!”

 

“Mine!” Charlie yelled, snatching the box from Pitts and pulling out the treats. “These things are my anti-drug.” “Hey! No hogging the fuckin’ snacks.” Meeks retorted, taking the box and handing it back to Pitts. “And share those damn things, dickweed.” “Never.” Charlie bit one, passing the bag to Neil.

 

He took one out and put it in his lap before handing it out to Todd. His friend looked at it warily, before taking the bag and a treat. Passing it on, he looked at the treat in his hand like it could have been poisoned. “Come on, Anderson!” Pitts spoke up. “It’s sugar, not brussel sprouts.”

 

“As if that’s better? Aren’t you supposed to go be a dentist?” “Nah, Meeks, I’m too tall, I’d hit my head on the light and knock myself out before the anesthesia gets to the patient.”

 

At this, the boys laughed as they shared their treats- even Todd- and started to pass more snacks around. They filled the silence with chatter, excitement about where they were gonna go and plans for after their epic adventure. Todd felt his stomach whirling, thinking about this ending, and he looked back out the window. Trees passed them by at amazing speed, and it only made him sicker. He left out a heavy sigh, closing his eyes as he tried to ignore it.

 

It didn’t help much.

 

“So, Anderson,” Charlie pokes him with his foot and smirks. “Where are you excited to go on this horribly planned trip?” He asked, and Todd opened his eyes with a glare. “The first place we stop.”

 

Snickers left the lips of the boys, excluding Neil, who looked at him almost sadly. He slid across the van’s flooring closer to Todd, bringing his knees up to his chest. “What’s going on, Todd?”

 

The shyer boy bit the inside of his lip. “Travel. Summer. I can’t stop thinking about what happens after this, you know? We’re gonna go to college, and lose contact, and what if our lives suck, Neil? What if we get to college and we drop out a week in?” Todd asked his friend, a hand going up to brush his light brown hair out of his sweat stained face. Damn nerves. Or, maybe it was the heat. Both? He didn’t know.

 

Silence filled the air between the two as the others kept up their conversations, and for a moment, Neil seemed dumbfounded. Then he put his hand back on Todd’s knee and gave it a reassuring squeeze, his signature grin spreading on his too perfect face.

 

“The future’s a scary thing. I’ve been terrified of it for a good chunk of the year. But we are the masters of our own destiny- we make the choices. You have a good gut instinct, Todd, I don’t doubt you’ll make the best ones.” He said softly. And God, if Todd didn’t feel his face turn pink. Damn Neil Perry and his deep care for his friends. But, he smiled back, and gave a short nod.

 

“Oh, shit.” The disappointed voice of Charlie made them turn their heads to face an empty snack box. “We’re out.”

 

“What do you mean _we’re out_?” Knox asked, looking back through the mirror as the others groaned. “I mean we’re out of snacks, jackass, what the fuck do you think I mean?”

 

Knox grumbled and looked back at the road. Meeks took the box and gave a solemn sigh.

 

“Hey, Knox-”

 

“You guys are gonna wait before I stop for snacks. That’s what you get for eating them all an hour in.”

 

“Wait,” Pitts furrowed his brow. “Just an hour?”

 

Finally, Todd felt himself laugh, leaning his head back against the wall of the van. “This is gonna be a long ass trip.”


	2. Rainbows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie sees something interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, didn't expect to get the second chapter in so soon, but i'm surprisingly into this? yes i know it's gonna be long but it's worth it.

Two hours in. The van still had a good amount of gas, and the boys looked dead at they laid uncomfortably in the back. “Cameron, I’m stealing the goddamn passenger when we stop.” Charlie grumbled into a pillow, still loud enough for the other to hear. He simply huffed. “Only if I get out of the car.”

 

“I will drag you out by your ankles, you shit eater.”

 

“Creative, _Nuwanda_.”

 

“Guys, shut it.” Meeks interrupted as he sat up, adjusting his glasses. “I am not gonna listen to you two verbal wring each others necks for the rest of this trip, so unless you can communicate through telepathy or sign language, fuck off.”

 

The boys didn’t protest, slumping and trying to stay comfortable despite the present situation. Charlie couldn’t, sadly, his eyes wide open as he stared at the sky through the window. Rain hit the glass like bullets. Softer ones, of course. He had stopped counting them a while ago, but it was still fun to watch. He resisted the urge to hum as the dark clouds moved out of his vision, revealing lighter ones with-

 

“Holy shit.” Charlie shot up, moving to the window and ignoring the sharp “Hey!” from Pitts as he kicked his leg. “You assholes better check this shit out!”

 

Neil sighed as he sat up, blinking to get the tiredness out of his eyes. “Charlie, what could possibl- oh my god, a double fucking rainbow.”

 

Soft confusion and intrigue spread through the Dead Poets as they slowly started to direct their attention to the large, bright, double rainbow in the sky. The sun shone down on it harshly, but it was still visible enough. The boys smiled, watching it.

 

“I can’t believe it.” Charlie muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. “God is celebrating _me_!”

 

The boys looked back at him, unimpressed, before Neil and Todd let out snickers that formed into laughter. Like a chain reaction, the others joined in, and the sudden gay joke felt like they had been told the funniest thing in the world. It wasn’t even that funny. Just dumbness, mixed with Neil’s infectious laughter. After a minute, the harsh cackles and yulps died down and they settled back on the padded floor of the van. Comfortable silence filled the van, and Charlie continued to watch the rainbow pass by.

 

“Me too.”

 

Once again, Charlie shot up, this time facing Meeks- the one who’d spoken. “Wait, what?”


	3. Never let Charlie drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's late, and they want to get off the road. tl;dr Charlie is a reckless prick

Night time had come at last, and the boys were more tired now than they thought possible. The road was empty around them, but bumpy as fuck, leaving them all to groan and shift around. Seating that changed to Neil driving and Charlie, as promised in the passenger's seat. He found that it didn’t help.

 

“Good grief, how much _longer_?” He asked, hitting his head on his seat. Neil rolled his eyes. “The hotel isn’t far- like a city away. We’ll be there in no time.” “Not at the rate you’re driving. You’re like a grandma, what’s the speed limit?”

 

Neil didn’t answer, and had planned to keep Charlie in the dark- until they passed a sign for it. Damn. “35? Fucking christ- why? It’s rocks! Do people even drive here?!”

 

“Char- Nuwanda, leave it be. Those things are here for a reason.” Neil said, hoping his friend would get it. He didn’t. “Come on, Perry, just go a little bit faster! It won’t hurt- no one is on this road.”

 

“You crash this van, I kill you, Neil!” Knox yelled from the back. Neil scoffed. “I’m not gonna- no! I’m not going any faster, I’m already pushing the limit here!” He said, his hands tightening around the wheel. Charlie huffed, and slumped back in his seat. Neil didn’t hear anything else, so he figured that it was put to rest. He didn’t see the wheels turning in his friend’s head.

 

Moments passed, and before he could register it, Charlie had basically attacked him for the wheel. Neil, obviously shocked, did his best to keep steady on the road. “Charlie, what the fuck?!” “Let me drive, I’ll get us there faster-” “You’re gonna get us killed!”

 

The boys in the back started to yell at them, trying to persuade Charlie to get off or warning Neil to stay on the road. The van swerved, pulling them all this way and that, and Neil was barely able to start pulling him off. “You- get off me, man, I’m losing control!”

 

Suddenly, he heard the sound of sirens. Lights blinked in the rearview mirror, and everything stopped. Charlie let go, and they exchanged a look.

 

This time, Neil didn’t hesitate speeding up.

 

The van went fast as lightning, driving away from the police car behind them. Neil yelled curses, Charlie yelled directions, and everyone else just yelled. Distance grew between the vehicles and Neil swerved onto a smaller road, driving enough to hide in shadows while the police car kept on forward. Once stopped, everyone stopped screaming and tried to breathe. Adrenaline coursed through them, fear and sweat and energy, as they tried to relax. Neil turned to look at Charlie, his face only a grin in astonishment over what had happened.

 

“You are _never_ getting behind the wheel of this fucking car, you maniac.” He muttered while Charlie laughed loudly, ignoring the insults from his friends. When it died down, his smile turned sheepish. “Okay, sorry about that- sleep deprivation gets to a guy.” He said. Neil eyed him, still angry, before smiling and punching his shoulder. “You’d still be a better driver than Cameron.”

 

“I hit a tree _one fucking time!_ ”

 

Now, both boys laughed as Neil started the van and continued driving, off to their nightly stop.


	4. First there, first pick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys finally reach a spot for the night.

Meeks had never, in his life, seen so many people as excited over getting out of the car as the rest of the Dead Poets were. When they got to the hotel, they took to time crawling out and yelling praises to God for giving them a break.

 

Charlie laid out on the concrete, trying to stretch out his body. “Yep. This is more comfortable than the van. The fuck did they make it out of, rocks and  _ only _ sharp metal?”

 

“You think this is comfortable, wait until we actually check in.” Meeks said, keeping himself upright on the concrete, even if it left imprints in his palms. “Hotel beds are the most comfortable things in the world.” “That’s true.” Pitts supported, standing and moving to grab bags from the back. “So what’s the situation?”

 

Neil was the next to stand, brushing himself. “I’m checking us in. Two rooms, hopefully conjoined, or next to each other. Charlie, Todd and I will share one, you four get the other one.”

 

“Wait,” Cameron frowed. “How come you three get the room to yourselves.”

 

“What ‘to ourselves’ is there, I still have to share a room with the elephant impersonator.” Charlie grinned and let Neil jab his ribcage, laughing. He deserved that. “But, I can’t complain about Todd. Can’t be any worse than you lot.”

 

“Because you don’t have  _ any _ bad sleeping qualities.” Knox bit back his grin. “Exactly, Knoxious, I’m glad to see you’re on my side!” Charlie wrapped his arms around his friends shoulders as they grab some bags, and the seven all head inside. Neil is quick in checking them in, and Meeks looks over to his roomates. He didn’t see any reason to hate sleeping with them- he’d shared a room with Pitts for a year, so there was especially no issue there.

 

He thought, anyway.

 

“Okay, boys!” Neil grabbed their attention, mostly with his smile. “Third floor, rooms 306 and 307, first there gets first pick.”

 

This was, perhaps, a chaotic solution. The boys grabbed random bags and dashed in all different directions, grabbing elevators or just using the stairs. Meeks himself had been the fastest, dashing up the stairs like the best track runner he was (how many of you knew that?), and when he made it to the first floor he made a beeline for the doorknob of 306- he grabbed just before Todd did, and grinned evilly.

 

“First there, first pick, Anderson.” He said, and the two laughed together as the others ran for them and groaned in their disappointments or victories. “Everyone, hush!” Neil told them. He came up last, strolling like it wasn’t a big deal. Probably because it wasn’t. “We’re not the only ones here. Now get your keys, assholes.”

 

Everyone took their keys and headed into the chosen rooms, 306 shuffling in awkwardly. Meeks switched the light on to reveal a nice room- living area stretching into the actual bedroom. “I call dibs on the bed by the A/C.” He immediately said, stepping in while the others mumbled amongst themselves. He made his claim serious by throwing his suitcase on top on the bed and taking out his clothes in neat stacks.

 

“Okay, who’s sharing beds?” Cameron asked, and all the boys looked up at him. He frowned. “What? None of us want to sleep on the couch- what’s the harm?” He had a point in that, and they all thought. “I can share with Meeks.” Pitts volunteered. This made Meeks stomach do a flip. “Uh… Sure thing. I don’t mind, we shared a room.” The redhead said quickly, before continuing to pull out clothes. Knox agreed to share with Cameron and that was that. Pitts turned the room’s TV on, and everyone got comfortable.

 

Except for Meeks. He didn’t know why, but something in his nervous system was keeping him alert.

 

He didn’t want to be in the room right then. “I’ll be right back, gonna grab some snacks- anyone want anything?” Meeks asked, smiling at the choir of responses before stepping outside.

 

Yikes.


	5. Thinking too much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meek always had an issue with thinking too much. Was this time justified?

Meeks was so glad they had a patio outside.

 

Smoke trailed from his lips into the night sky, and he smiled at it. The smoke almost felt like a metaphor for all the crazy words and thoughts on his mind.

 

After the rainbow debacle in the van, he’d gotten the balls to do something he didn’t think he could- come out. Yeah, it was clear that few of the boys there swang towards ladies, but it was still tough. The world was better than it used to be about it, yeah, and Meeks knew that. The problem was his own personal thoughts on it.

 

He knew being gay was fine. He was fully aware that he wouldn’t lose any friends or family over it- hell, his sister was a lesbian. So, why didn’t he mention it? He couldn’t tell you. Steven Meeks had a tendency not to say things. When he was younger, he never told his parents about some of the rougher kids at school. He never mentioned being sick, until it got crazy. And, of course, he never told a living soul that he was gay. Until that day, of course.

 

Meeks didn’t know why he decided to say something then, either. It wasn’t because they had inspired him to be honest. It just came to his mind, and he couldn’t stop himself. The boys were… shocked, but not unsupportive. After Charlie questioned him and he’d managed to mutter answers, they all smiled and thanked him for being honest. Charlie every reached into his bag and yanked out a pin for him. Dalton loved pins. The one he gave was a simple round one, with the gay flag bodly on it. Meeks had pinned it to his overshirt. It was still there.

 

He drew more smoke into his lungs.

 

He was glad to get it off his chest. Glad to know they didn’t hate him for being gay. But there was still an issue.

 

Pitts.

 

They’d shared a room for a year. They’d been friends for four years. Meeks knew well that there wasn’t an issue with him being gay. But, the issue of who he might be gay for. Pitts didn’t know, but at this point, it was almost too obvious. Who couldn’t love the tall dope?

 

Meeks groaned at the thought, flicking ash away. This was the issue. He thought about his friend too much, and yeah, Pitts was supportive, but he didn’t… He shoved that thought from his head. God, he was not gonna get depressed a day into this trip over a  _ guy _ . A cute guy, sure. A sensitive guy, of course. A smart guy, absolutely. But still just a guy.

 

He closed his eyes, putting out his cigarette and letting the last puff of smoke leave his lips.

 

“You totally weren’t getting snacks, you prick!”

 

Oh god. Meeks opened up his eyes again and turned to the voice, showing Pitts with a grin on his face. “We’ve been waiting for food for ten fucking minutes!”

 

At least he didn’t seem mad. Meeks grinned back and stood up. “Jesus, I haven’t smoked for hours, cut me some slack!”

 

Pitts walked up and messed up his already crazy hair before leading Meeks inside, their laughs echoing into the sky.


	6. Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie wakes up in usual ways.

Sunlight was not what Charlie Dalton woke up to. Normally, he slept in until the sun was in the right place to shine in his eyes, or someone had to shake him awake if something important was happening. This was not the case today. Instead, he woke up to the heavy snores of his bedmate, Neil “I totally don’t sound like a motorcycle” Perry, right in his fucking ear.

 

For some reason, Charlie resisted the urge to shove a sock on his mouth.

 

He almost woke the other up to tell him off, aggravation being the first thought to come to his mind. But, Neil looked pretty sound asleep. Charlie blinked, a large frown on his face. Fuck, he couldn’t wake him up yet. He sighed and flopped his head back down onto his pillow, surveying his surroundings. The sun was just barely rising, casting a dim blue light over the room. An analog clock on the bedside table told Charlie that it was six in the morning- and, thankfully for his stomach, time for breakfast. While his body protested the idea of getting up just yet, he slowly moved until he was sitting upright with his feet hanging inches above the floor. He yawned and stretched out his arms before he hopped off the bed.

 

Instant chill hit the soles of his feet, and he hissed, falling back on the bed. “Fuckin’ Christ!”

 

Behind him, the soft snort of alertness told him that Neil had woken up over the tiny commotion. “Charlie, you alright?” He asked, propping himself up. Charlie sighed. “Yeah, fine. Floor’s just ice fucking cold. Seriously, why is there no carpet here?”

 

He turned around to look at Neil, who had started to smile tiredly. “You’re just a wimp about the cold. C’mon.” He lifted the blanket up, inviting Charlie back under it, and how was he to say no? He curled up in the spot before Neil dropped the blanket back on him, resting his head on Charlie’s.

 

There isn’t much point to go into detail about the odd relationship these two shared. They weren’t dating, but they weren’t strangers to closeness. Cameron even swore he’d caught them right after making out, but had no proof. The boys didn’t question it. And neither did Charlie, or Neil. They were just concerned about being comfortable- and boy, were they comfortable just then. Next to each other, soaking up warmth and nearly falling back asleep. The only thing stopping them was Charlie’s stomach.

 

“When’s the last time you ate?” Neil asked, the words barely anything except hot air on Charlie’s head. The other hummed in thought. “Do the snacks in the van count?”

 

“Charlie, get your ass up and go get some breakfast.” “But dude, the floor is  _ freezing _ !” Charlie protested. Neil rolled his eyes and gently started to nudge him out. The other groaned, but he sat up to avoid falling. “Fine, but you’re coming with me, you dick.” He muttered. Neil smiled and sat up himself, a hand going to rub his face before he took a step out of bed.

 

“Jesus!” He instantly drew back, eyes wide. Charlie, being Charlie, laughed softly.

 

“Who’s a wimp now, Perry?”

 

“Oh, shut up.”


	7. Books: the true Kryptonite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang really hates Neil's obsession with books.

“Neil, relax.”

 

Todd had a hand on his friends shoulder as he stared out the van’s window. It wasn’t far into the boys second day of the trip, and they didn’t plan on stopping for a while. Neil respected that, of course. He wouldn’t have minded. Until..

 

“That store- it looked so cool! Like a bookstore in Paris, Todd!” Neil said, his voice full of excitement. Everyone else groaned, ignoring him and his crazy old book obsession. Todd just frowned, watching him stare. “We’ll find another bookstore, Neil. There are thousands.” He assured his friend, who huffed. “Not like that one. It was so run down and hidden- it was calling out to me, man!”

 

“Neil, you said that about a Target once.” Charlie spoke up, darting his eyes to the pair for just a second to see Neil give him a mean look. “Oh, come on! I bet there’s gonna be at least two more bookstores on this stretch of road just like that one. Just because it’s antique doesn’t mean it’s worth checking out.”

 

“You’d know, Dalton, your sex skills are just as antique!”  


“You shut your fuckin’ mouth, Knox!” Charlie snapped, tossing a pack of Cheez-its at the other as he laughed. Neil even managed to snort, but his attention went right back to staring again. The bookstore was far behind them, as if that might stop him. It didn’t. Todd stared at him, feeling sad for him. He might have fallen in love with every bookstore he came across, but he thought that was sorta the amazing think about Neil- among other things. Plus, it wasn’t like they had anywhere to really be. They planned this thing like you plan going to the movies. Not well. He looked to Pitts in the driver seat, scooting up and leaning close. “Come on, man.”

 

“No way, I’m not gonna let Neil lose himself in a bookstore and keep us from getting anywhere!” Pitts said, keeping his eyes on the road. Todd groaned. “What harm is it gonna do, you guys? It’s a bookstore!”

 

The others didn’t answer, but they still didn’t look too happy about the idea. However, after a moment of silence, Meeks spoke up.

 

“I did see a Golden Corral near by.”

 

This got all the boys to turn their heads to him, eyes wide. “A Golden-” Charlie started, eyes wide. “Pitts, turn this van around.”

 

“But, wait, no, why would we-”

 

“They have a chocolate fountain, _turn the goddamn van around!_ ”

 

Pitts turned sharp, stopping a few cars in traffic and throwing the boys against the wall. They groaned, softly, as they rubbed their faces. Todd squanched up his face and held his nose, glad it didn’t feel broken. He looked at Neil, who’s eyes and smile were wide. He wrapped his arms around his friend tightly. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

 

Todd laughed and held his friend back, smiling into his shirt. “Thank Meeks! He brought up Golden Corral.”

 

Neil didn’t hesitate to do just that, but Todd still smiled at him, sighing softly.

 

* * *

 

 

It wasn’t long before the boys sat at a large booth in the famous buffet, plates full and chatter the only sound between them all. Well, almost all of them. While Neil talked, his eyes were focused on the book in his lap. The Princess Saves Herself In This One, Amanda Lovelace. Todd had noticed quickly how into just staring at it Neil was, his eyes sparkling as he bit his lips. He tried to peek over to take a look at the cover, but it was too far. “Have you even opened it yet?” He asked, to which Neil shook his head.

 

“Not here. Don’t wanna get food on it.” He replied. His smile poked through, and Todd quickly flashed his head down to avoid anyone seeing his pink cheeks. “Please, just don’t spend all night reading it- you need to sleep.” “I won’t!” Neil said, but Todd knew just how that was gonna play out.

 

Charlie looked over at the two, kicking Todd’s shin to get his attention. Hissing, he looked up at the other ready to ask what the hell that was for- but, something in his eyes shut him up. Charlie smiled at him, softer than he usually did. It was like a soft thank you message almost. For either making Neil happy or shutting Neil up, he didn’t know. But he smiled back, feeling his heart melting while Charlie continued to work with the many chocolate dipped items on his plate.

 

He knew stopping was a good idea.


	8. Charlie uses his money wisely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter with drugs (only weed they ain't that dumb)

Neil was starting to wonder if they had a really bad smoking habit.

 

The boys had been on the road for another few hours, full of deliciously horrible Golden Corral food. They had done their best to keep themselves entertained, but of course, they were teenage boys, and it was boring getting places. Sleeping wasn’t even a good option, with how terrible the van felt. They eventually started to get bored.

 

Pitts had brought up the idea of smoking. Naturally, they all wanted to. But it would be disgusting trying to do it then. So, Todd silently pulled them onto the road, grinning back at them through the rear view mirror.

 

And they smoked. So far, for thirty minutes.

 

Neil sat with his legs crossed, cigarette hanging haphazardly from his lips. He faced the other boys, who sat in a circle in the back of the van- similar to how they would sit in the cave. They all held their cigarettes, not talking as they filled up their lungs with smoke. Except Charlie, of course, who hadn’t even opened his pack.

 

“You alright, Nuwanda?” Neil asked, reaching over to nudge his friend. “You rarely don’t touch a cig.”

 

Charlie looked up and gave him a smirk. “I’m fine. Just waiting for you pussies to finish up before I break out the big stuff.”

 

“The big…” Cameron muttered, before his eyes grew wide. “Dalton, did you spend out money on  _ drugs _ ?!” “No, I used  _ my _ money on drugs, yeesh.” The other said, reaching into his bag and pulling out a Ziploc with at least double the amount of joints they’d smoke. “Two for each of us. Because I’m nice.”

 

Neil laughed and reached out to take the bag, putting his cigarette out instantly. “You fucking amaze me, man. Where did you get this?” He asked, pulling one out for himself. Charlie snatched the bag back and got one before he passed it around. “Why should I tell you?” Neil started to answer, but figured it wouldn’t matter and just lit the joint.

 

They were higher than kites soon after. All except Cameron, who became the bitch of the group and started to go on about how “drugs ruin the world” and “they’ll be dead from overdose before they graduate college if they kept it up”. No one listened, taking in the smoke and feeling the world getting hazy around them. Todd, Neil, and Charlie all sat pressed together, laughing amongst themselves at nothing, until Todd closed. The whole time, they’d had the radio on, and it had played quietly in the background. Now, Todd grinned at it. “Fuck, I love this song!” He proclaimed before reaching over and turning the music up. ‘Burning Love’ bled through the speakers, and he laughed loud getting more on his knees and dancing like a fucking idiot to the tune.

 

The boys all laughed, but they couldn’t help themselves from doing the same, waving their bodies around and singing like drunks to the music. Neil was the only one who didn’t, just laughing his ass off at his ridiculous friends. He loved these moments. Where they just loosened up (excluding Cameron) and had fun. They were themselves. He leaned back, relaxing at the music filled his ears and the smoke filled his nose.

 

Until Charlie landed on his lap. He quickly looked down at his friend, who was staring at Neil’s face. He grinned bright, and he sat up to get to Neil’s ear. “You’re quiet.” He whispered, resting his head on his shoulder. “Don’t you like this?”

 

“Love it, Charlie.” Neil assured him. “I’m not a dancer.”

 

“Oh, sure you are.” Charlie countered. “I’ve seen you swayin’ your hips like you make $1,000 dollars a night doin’ it!” He nearly avoided Neil’s hand smacking his head, laughing and laying back on his friends legs to take another puff. The song ended with ceremony, the boys cheering and clapping until Todd went to turn the radio back down. They calmed down as their joints faded away into ash and smoke, and a peaceful quiet came over them. Neil sighed contently, reaching his hand to twist into Charlie’s dark locks. They could stay on the side of the road all night, and he wouldn’t care at all.

 

“Can we  _ please _ get going?” Cameron asked with sharpness, interrupting the serenity and making them all groan. Neil slipped out from under Charlie, who looked close to passing out. “I’m still here, I’ll drive. You can sit up front with me.”

 

As the two made way into the front and the last bit of smoke fled through the open windows, Neil couldn’t help but smile.

 

He hoped the rest of the trip was like that.


	9. You would not believe your eyes-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IF TEN MILLION FIREFLIES-  
> (this chapter is about fireflies)

The next hotel they stayed at was, by all means, much better.

 

Charlie’s personal favorite was the carpet on the floors, which kept his feet warm. Everyone agreed that the pool, work out room, and smoking patio was wicked awesome.They all sat outside, some wet with chlorine and some from sweat. Well, that was just Pitts. He had been working on getting buff in school, might as well keep it up.

 

Around them, smoke floated into the air as they let cigarettes burn away between their fingers. They definitely had a habit. A bad one, at that. But they didn’t care. They only planned on smoking one each this time.

 

Todd blew smoke up, putting his cigarette out finally. He continued to look up at the pollution filled sky. “So, what’s the plan?” He asked, relaxing in the patio chair. Charlie looked over at him, tapping ash away. “I steal the shower, we go to bed, and head out. What, do you want dinner and a movie?” Todd snickered at that, looking over at Charlie and shaking his head. “Well, we aren’t doing much on this trip. Driving, eating, sleeping.”

 

“Oh, I can give you something to do.” Charlie wiggled his eyebrows and made Neil snort. “God, no, I’ll smother you both if you even think about it.”

 

“Well, I’m thinkin’, Perry.”

 

“Gross!” Meeks said with a laugh, drawing in another breath of smoke. “No one want to hear that.” “Well, think about it this way,” Pitts smirked. “All you would hear is Charlie- Todd barely speaks above a whisper half the time, what’s the difference there?”

 

Todd reached over and gently shoved Pitts, sending him rocking in his chair and laughing with all the others. He couldn’t help but smile. He was kinda quiet, wasn’t he?

 

All of a sudden, Charlie looked up from his cigarette. His eyes seemed really focused on something. Todd turned to what he was looking at, and saw nothing. Only for a second, since a small light faded on and off. His eyes twitched to see more- fireflies, surrounding the boys like the stars he couldn’t see. He smiled, reaching his hand up and letting one fall on it. “Holy shit. Guys, check it out.”

 

The boys looked at the bug that landed on his hand, before turning their attention to all the other fireflies around them. They all looked amazed, smiling and whispering as they put out their cigarettes and let the bugs just fly. They blinked above their heads, in their faces, on their shoulders and their knees. It was like… nothing they could explain.

 

Cameron, of course, was the only one who seemed uncomfortable. He frowned, inching away from the bugs. “Why are there so many? It’s like a fuckin’ swarm!”

 

“Oh, relax already!” Charlie said, about five of the fireflies crawling all over him. He didn’t seem to mind. “These things are harmless.” “I know!” Cameron sneered at him, getting from his chair and moving away. “There are just a lot. Like, a lot.”

 

Despite how cool it was, he did have a point. Todd saw that there… were a lot more than he should have thought possible. “Yeah, what’s up with that?”

 

Meeks stood and inched off towards Cameron, gently shaking the bugs off him. “Okay.. maybe we should head in.” The others slowly agreed and got up, except Neil. He sat there with his giant fucking grin, and Todd hesitated. Damn, he looked so happy. “Neil! Come on, man, let’s go back in.”

 

“No way, look at these things!” He protested, moving his arms around and looking at the fireflies. Charlie groaned. “You are gonna be the death of us, Perry, now get moving!” He grabbed the back of Neil’s shirt, yanking him up and dragging him off. The boys marched back inside, and even though they were disappointed about their leaving, they looked outside and saw the fireflies still blinking. Even Cameron looked wistfully at them.

 

Magical, Todd decided. That moment was magical.


	10. Just relax.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Todd has a hard time sleeping.

There was only one issue that Todd had with the hotel. The windows didn’t keep any noise out. 

 

He stared up at the ceiling, eyes wide as the most annoying sound of cicadas, crickets, and  _ every sound on the planet _ filled his ears. There was no way he was going to sleep. Once he got there, Todd could sleep through anything. But when he was awake? Noise was the most distracting thing in the world. He could never focus on anything but whatever sounds there were, and it made him miserable. Especially now, when he knew it was late and that he needed to sleep. But he just couldn’t.

 

Todd sat up and switched the lamp on, rubbing his face as he tried to think of what he could do. He could fall asleep with earbuds in, like he knew Cameron did sometimes. But, that would be even worse- music right in his ear. Maybe they had straight up ear plugs at the counter downstairs, but he doubted they did, or that they’d work well. There was no solution to this. He was stuck, in this fucking mess of noise. He groaned and covered his face with his hands.

 

Little did he realize, the light and commotion was waking up Neil in the bed across from his. He sat up, and looked to his distressed friend. “Todd?” The other jumped at the sudden voice, clutching his sleep shirt as he stared at a clearly tired Neil. Poor dude was a really light sleeper. Todd sighed. “Sorry I woke you, Neil.”

 

“No, it’s okay.” Neil sat up, throwing his feet over the edge of the bed. “But why are you still up? I thought you’d be the first asleep.”

 

Todd huffed a short laugh, motioning to the window. “Too much noise. At least you don’t snore until you’re really asleep, I can ignore that. But… God, nature sure is fucking noisy.” He grumbled. Neil blinked, and then grinned, laughing softly before walking to sit on Todd’s bed. “Oh, come on. You’re letting it get to you.” “Everything gets to me, Neil.”

 

The two chuckled at that, since it was true. Neil gently bumped the other’s shoulder. “I’m serious, you can block it out. You just gotta… relax.” At this, Todd scoffed. “It’s rare that I relax.” “I know.” Neil hummed, clearly trying. “But, I’m great at it. Why don’t I help you?”

 

Todd turned to him with a raised brow. “How?”

 

Neil grinned his sickly amazing grin. “Turn off the light.”

 

Not a second was wasted as he reached over and let the room become dark again. He heard soft shifting around him and a weight on the opposite side of the bed, before a gentle hand came to rest on his shoulder. Todd froze up, almost jerking back- “It’s okay.” Neil assured him. Todd tried not to think about it, but he let his shoulders relax as Neil guided him down. They both rested on the mattress, and Neil let his arm gently go over Todd’s chest. He tried not to put too much weight on it. Not that it mattered, since Todd suddenly had trouble breathing regardless.

 

“I’m totally not relaxed.” He admitted, his voice soft. Neil snickered in his ear. Since when was he that close. “Todd, it’s okay. Just close your eyes, don’t think so much- or, tell me to get out. Whatever feels best for you.”

 

Silence filled the space, and Todd groaned, shifting in the direction of Neil. “It’s not working.”

 

“You’re not trying.”

 

“Hush.” The other grumbled, closing his eyes and trying to let his body fall slack. Close by, louder than nature, was Neil’s heartbeat. It was rhythmic, soft. It blocked out all the sounds he’d been cursing earlier, and Todd found it easy to relax. He found himself on the edge of sleep in no time, but didn’t clock out before he heard Neil speaking so quietly you’d think he wouldn’t have said anything.

 

“Night, Anderson.”


	11. The beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie has never been to the beach.

A week into their trip, the boys decided to take a visit to the beach.

 

It was the perfect day for it. Sunny, but cool enough not to melt. Not many people seemed to be out. They had a whole section to themselves, almost. They were all excited to get out, stompy through sand, and get washed away by the waves. Everyone except, shockingly, Charlie.

 

It wasn’t that Charlie disliked the beach. Not even that he found it less than great. He didn’t have much of an opinion on it at all- because he’d never been.

 

He’d seen the beach. Pictures has shown him the beautifully colored waves, and the views from hotel windows had made it abundantly clear that no picture could really capture it. But he just… never went. His parents had always gone past it on trips, or they didn’t have the time when they were stopped somewhere. And it wasn’t like he had much time to travel there himself, nor did he ever think about it. It wasn’t a big deal, until he actually got to one. The realization of just how weird it felt slapped him in the face when Neil pulled into a parking spot and the rest of the boys ran out to experience it all.

 

Being there was off putting. Charlie had taken his time walking there, already finding issue as he didn’t walk evenly on the sand- and it just got in his shoes. The water looked beautiful, but menacing, and he decided very quickly that he wasn’t gonna go near it. He sat on the edge, laying back as the sun slowly cooked him alive.

 

They didn’t leave for a long ass time.

 

Meeks had brought a neat little radio out and set it near Charlie, so the music blasted in his ears and blocked out anything else. His eyes were closed, and he could feel a breeze coming through as it got darker. He almost forgot how weird the beach was- this moment was nice. Until Neil fell on him   
  
“Christ!” Charlie sat up fast, essentially getting Neil to roll off him as he brushed away damp sand. Neil laughed, standing again and looking at his friend. “Sorry. Didn’t notice you.” He tried to excuse while the other just made a face at him. “Oh, that’s bullshit. I’m the most noticeable one here.”

 

Neil let out another laugh and almost headed off, before something dawned on him. “You’ve been laying down for hours, what gives?”

 

“Just like being relaxed.” Charlie shrugged, laying back. “Something wrong with that?”

 

“Kinda.” Neil sat down beside his friend. “I highly doubt that you wouldn’t run straight for the water and claim yourself the sand guardian. It’s a very Nuwanda-like thing to do.”

 

That was true- Nuwanda would have sped towards the excitement like a kid to an ice cream truck. But for some reason, he didn’t feel like Nuwanda. He was regular Charlie. It was weird. “Well… I dunno. Water just isn’t my thing.”

 

“You spent three hours in a hotel pool not even two weeks ago. And you spend at least an hour in the shower alone.”

 

“What’s your point, Perry?” Charlie snapped, sitting up. Neil seemed to flinch, surprised. It wasn’t often that Charlie would snap at someone- he usually brushed off upsetness with a joke. Any chance for his regular humor was slim. “Jesus, Charlie, what’s up with you? Are you afraid of the beach or something?” He asked. Charlie opened his mouth to boldly say ‘no, that’s ridiculous’, but… he stopped himself. Maybe that wasn’t far off. He wasn’t terrified of it, but the beach didn’t excite him like it should have. He didn’t know what to do with it. 

 

“Look, it’s just…” He hesitated, groaning. “I’ve never been. And, I didn’t have much plan on going. It’s not a big deal, I just don’t like being interrogated.”

 

Neil blinked, then nodded in understanding. “That… makes sense. But, you could have just told me.” Charlie doubted that, and planned on telling him- “Just because you like to act nonchalant doesn’t mean you always have to be, Nuwanda.”

 

That… hit Charlie somewhere deep, and he just stared at Neil after he said it. He didn’t act nonchalant. He  _ was _ nonchalant. Neil wasn’t deep, he didn’t know what he was talking about. Then again, at this point, Charlie doubted that he even knew. The two said nothing for a minute, and the radio played something soft and slow. The waves crashed behind Neil. Damn it, as if he didn’t look ethereal enough.

 

“...Do you want to swim?”

 

Charlie frowned. “Are you kidding me?”

 

“Why would I be kidding?” Neil asked. “This is tense. We’re supposed to be having fun. Swimming is fun. Let’s go swim.”

 

...Well, Charlie couldn’t argue with that. He rolled his eyes before standing, and he tried not to smile at how Neil’s eyes lit up. He grabbed his friend’s hand and the two walked down to the water, rising up at their feet before retracting back. Charlie stared, watching the others. Pitts was having a tough time staying upright, while Todd just got straight hit in the face by the water. “Good grief.” He muttered, stepping back. Neil tugged him down. “You’re a baby. It’s just water.” “Right, like water doesn’t kill people.”

 

“Good grief, you sound like Cameron.” Neil laughed, lacing their fingers together. “Come on.”

 

Slowly, Charlie let himself be lead towards the water, tensing up before the impact- warmth spread over his legs, suddenly enough to make him stumble, but still soft enough that he didn’t fall over completely. He looked at the water, moving around his legs as Neil moved them further in. It rose up, past his knees and almost up to his hips. It was… God, it was almost calming. He didn’t let go of Neil’s hand, but he did reach down and swirl the water around with his free hand. He could smell the salt. The radio was too distant to hear.

 

“Charlie, look at this!” Neil suddenly yanked his arm to get his attention. Charlie looked up suddenly, seeing a wave coming their way. “Holy-”

 

The water crashed into them, sending the boys backwards. Their hands slipped away from each other, and Charlie kept his eyes squeezed shut, not daring to get salt in them. When he felt his head go above surface, he coughed, rubbing his face and only succeeding to get more salt on it. He opened his eyes, looking frantically for Neil. Thankfully, his friend rose up soon after, laughing his stupid laugh and pushing his hair back. “God, I love when that happens!” He said, looking at Charlie. He blinked, and damn it, he couldn’t help but smile at Neil before a smaller wave came and knocked him onto his ass. He could see shells and sand swirling in the salt water, and he knew his swim suit would be full of all kinds of shit before they left. But, it was barely a thought. He was too busy focusing on the one good thing about the beach.

 

The way that the water made it easier to hold Neil’s hand.


	12. Sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie and Neil make dumb, but beautiful choices.

The van was still warm when Neil and Charlie crawled into it. After hours of sunshine beating down on the vehicle, that wasn’t exactly an odd thing. But it was enough of a surprise to make Neil grin, pulling his knees up to his chest. “Why are we doing this again?”

 

Charlie, never one to give too much away, just shrugged. “Because why not? How many times have you watched a sunrise?” He asked, pulling out a couple of joints and passing one to his friend. Neil took it, and thought about the question. “At least once, technically. But still, are we gonna forego sleep for this?”

 

“Why not?” Charlie lit his joint up and took a puff of it, smoke curling out from his lips. “You showed me how nice the beach could be. I’m gonna show you how nice a sunrise can be. Who cares if we ‘get enough sleep’- it’s not like it’ll kill us.” While he certainly was presenting an unwise scenario, Neil had to admit, he did have some valid points. So, he decided to just go with it. Why not see a sunrise in action?

 

Of course, it would be hours before it happened- it was only midnight now. Why Charlie wanted to get them out so early, he had no idea.

 

To Neil’s surprise though, hours passed by quickly for them. Smoke left the van as they talked, topics ranging from something stupid they had seen or the biggest questions in the world. This was something they did often, sunrise or not. They burnt through their joints fast, only grabbing more when one faded. By their fifth joint, they’d been out there for a couple hours. There was still no sight of sunlight, but Neil didn’t mind.

 

“The thing about the ‘being yourself’ thing,” Charlie spoke, carrying a conversation the two were having. “Isn’t a grander ‘you can be a dick if you want to’ statement like Cameron says! It’s just telling people that they don’t have to fit any guidelines! I mean, where the fuck does he get the idea that anything remotely independent is a bad idea? What did Hell-ton do to him?” He asked aloud, brow furrowed. “I’m myself all the time! Is that so bad?”

 

“Eh.” Neil shrugged, taking another puff from his joint. “You can be a pretty big asshole.”

 

“Thank you.” Charlie replied, with a tone Neil couldn’t place. “I’m serious, though. Like, I don’t try to be an asshole. I just don’t like the whole… box thing that we have goin’ on. It’s beyond just peer pressure- it’s our school, our parents, our whole future. We were meant to be on this path to supposed greatness.” He shook his head and flicked his joint away. “But, what would Robert Frost say to that noise? I’m motherfuckin’ Nuwanda, I don’t want to be a banker! I gotta live life how I want!”

 

“And how is that?” Neil raised a brow at his friend, who smirked. “Sax music and poetry, baby. It’s my calling!”

 

A soft laugh escaped Neil as he continued to smoke, looking at the sky for any sign of daylight. Next to him, Charlie stared, though he couldn’t see just how intense it was. “But, I mean… it’s all a mystery. I make the decisions. And… I gotta make the right ones.” There was something in his voice that made Neil turn back, confused. For the first time in his life, he saw Charlie nervous. Something in his eyes. “Ne-”

 

Before he could get anything out, the back door to the van yanked open, and both boys turned fast to look at a very unhappy Todd Anderson before them. He was clearly tired- his brow was twisting and furrowed, and his eyes gave off a ‘i have no time for bullshit’ look. “There you are- what the hell are you guys doing? It’s two thirty in the fucking morning.”

 

Neither boy spoke, looking at each other for a second before Charlie shrugged. “Sunrise watching.”

 

“It’s hours before the run is supposed to rise, Nuwanda.” Todd pointed out. This only made Charlie smirk and shrug again. “Who cares?” He said, leaning back and stealing Neil’s join from his fingers. Todd rolled his eyes and clambered into the back. “Your bodies do. Staying up too late can really throw you off, and you’re gonna pay for it tomorrow when you can’t nap on the road.”

 

“It’s not the first time we’ve done it.” Neil pointed out.

 

“Exactly! You two do this more often than you should, and it’s gonna kick your asses.” Todd said. Neil knew he had a point- as he always did. But Charlie didn’t seem to care if he did or not. He just blew out smoke, and handed out the joint to Todd. “Watch it with us.”

 

The other stared at the joint, scoffing. “Are you kidding me? Did you hear anything I said?”

 

“I did,” Charlie nodded. “And I don’t care. You’re too wound up sometimes. Personally, I think staying up and watching the sunrise with some pals can do some real good for that. So, you should just stay and watch with us.”

 

Todd gave Charlie a look. A nasty, ready to strangle him sort of look. Neil wondered if he should make a run for it or not. Then, Todd took the joint and drew some smoke in. “I hate you.”

 

“Love you too, Anderson.” Charlie winked before the other nestled in the middle, handing the joint to Neil again. He wondered just how Todd had realized the whole thing. That they were gone, where they were. He had been dead asleep when Charlie had dragged them out. He looked at Todd. There were beads of sweat on the back of his neck.

 

He wondered if he should question it.

 

He didn’t. They all just talked again, ridiculously and deeply, while they could see bits of light starting to come through. Todd had eased up quickly, his smile brighter than the sun rays. Neil couldn’t help but stare at it through the smoke in the van. They went through Charlie’s joints like wildfire, and were out when the sun actually started to rise. Charlie’s eyes lit up, and he scooted as close as he could to the edge of the van, staring out at the sun. Neil could see it, and it was something special to look at. Mixes of gold and pink and orange painted the sky above the delicately, blending into each other and making colors he didn’t think existed. He could see Charlie pull a pen from his pocket, clearly brainstorming over the poetic beauty of it all. “Todd, take a look.” He muttered, turning towards his friend. Beside him, Todd was out like a light. He was still tired through the night, anyway. His head rested gently on Neil’s thigh, and he looked peaceful. Neil let him be.

 

Charlie made his way back next to the two, his smile wide and his eyes sparkling. Neil couldn’t help but smile back. But, something was on his mind. “Hey, Charlie?” He said, watching his friend turn to him. “Were you gonna tell me something earlier?”

 

While he tried to hide it, Neil saw something in Charlie falter. He thought about his answer, before simply shaking his head. “Nah. Don’t worry about it.” He said, giving another, softer smile to be reassuring. Neil nodded, letting Charlie get wrapped up in his thoughts and the sunset. But he did worry. He knew Charlie- that he didn’t talk about much. He brushed stuff off.

 

What was he hiding?


	13. Fashion (or, lack thereof)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Todd never really had a style.

Todd was fully aware that his fashion sense was lacking. In comparison to most of the other boys he’d been friends with at Wellton, he’d been on the more… casual side. He stuck to sweaters and jeans through colder seasons, and t-shirts in warmer ones, occasionally going for a pair of shorts if he wanted. It wasn’t anything grand, but Todd didn’t see himself as grand, so what difference did it make, really?

 

Apparently, enough of a difference to find Charlie looking through his stuff.

 

“Dude, what are you doing?” Todd came over and snatched a shirt out of his friends hands, putting it back in his suitcase. They were the only ones there- Neil never would have let him touch his things, even if Todd never asked him to keep it safe. “Why are you looking through my stuff- did you lose yours or something?!”

 

Charlie blinked up at him, unphased, before he grabbed another shirt and laid it out. “I’m trying to see if you have any nice clothes. I’m not finding much.” He said, as if it were no big deal. “What does it matter to you if I have nice clothes or not? My life, man.” Todd asked, taking the other shirt back. Charlie groaned. “It matters because you are far too attractive to let yourself become the victim of terrible fashion. Pitts was the same way before we met, and let me tell you, he has since improved.”

 

“I don’t need your help with my fashion.” Todd insisted. “And I’m not _that_ attractive.” “Oh, I disagree. I’m certain a good number of us can agree- maybe even Cameron, if he lets his abundant straightness stop letting himself be blinded.” Charlie took the shirt from Todd’s hands. “Come on, Anderson- if it’s no harm letting you dress like a 2000’s band geek, what’s the harm in giving you a makeover?” He asked. Todd sighed.

 

Damn it, he had a point.

 

“I’m not buying a whole new wardrobe.” He declared, to which Charlie rolled his eyes. “Fine. You wouldn’t have to. Just let me mess with your clothes.”

 

Todd seemed skeptical, but he finally gave up with a nod before flopping on his bed. Charlie smirked- he knew in the end he’d get his way with this- and started to work.

 

* * *

 

 

“Okay, tell me _why_ you cut up one of my shirts?”

 

Todd stared at Charlie, who was currently forcing him into said cut-up shirt. The hem now reached right under his ribcage, and it felt…. Weird. “Because, it’s too hot to wear a fucking long sleeve shirt- and since you insist on wearing some in summer, i’m adjusting it. Now, it’s practical-ish, and it looks cute on you.” Charlie said without looking up, tossing a pair of shorts to Todd. He rolled his eyes and slipped the shorts on, grabbing a pair of socks as well. “I really don’t know about this, Charlie.” He said quietly. “This is _really_ not my style.”

 

Charlie turned to him, brushing back a few strands of hair. “Well, Todd, the thing is that you have no style to begin with. Not caring isn’t a style. I think,” He paused to grab his comb from off his hotel bed, and began brushing Todd’s hair neatly back. “You could have a style. Maybe like a soft, pretty boy thing. But it takes effort.” Todd scrunched his face up, picking at his sleeves. “I put effort into my clothes!”

 

“No, you do not.” Charlie said, taking the comb away. “Everything else? Yes. Appearance? No. But, hey- doesn’t matter when you have the fashionable eye of Nuwanda around.” He beamed. He was clearly proud of his work. Todd let himself walk to the bathroom, switching on the light and taking a look.

 

He guessed he didn’t look bad. The shirt fit nicely cut, and his hair was out of his face. Charlie came up behind him, taking his shoulders. “Yeah, you look good. You can thank me by buying me a snack later.” He snickered, and Todd even managed to huff out a laugh. “No way in hell.”

 

“Fine.” Charlie shrugged. “Let’s go show the others.”

 

* * *

 

 

Todd should have guessed that Neil would be at the pool. They got down there quickly (Charlie might have been a little too excited to show the other off) and entered to chaos of teenage boys flailing around in the water. Common, of course. Neil took no time to notice the others had come in, and he waded over to the edge with a smile- but, it dropped fast as his eyes landed on Todd. For a moment, Todd got worried. Did he look bad? He didn’t think he did- maybe it had gotten messy on the way down? His worrying was interrupted by Charlie laughing.

 

“You’re fucking face!” Charlie snickered, trying to cover his smile. “I think Cupid just made a surprise visit to Neil, look at him!”

 

It did indeed seem that way- Neil was rocking serious heart eyes, staring at Todd like he’d seen Jesus Christ himself. This, of course, did nothing to stop him from being embarrassed. He felt his cheeks grow hot, and he reached up to cover them before Charlie grabbed his hand. That made it even worse. And then Neil smiled the dopiest, brightest smile he could, and he thought that he would certainly combust on the spot.

 

“I take it you like my work?” Charlie asked, snapping Neil out of his trance. “Uh- yeah, yeah, it looks… Really great on you, Todd.” He mumbled, swiping wet hair from out of his eyes. “You uh… When did get have a crop top?” “I cut his shirt.” Charlie said, shrugging. “Clearly it’s too hot to wear a normal shirt.” At the end of that, he gave Neil a tiny wink. This made Todd turn to him, eyebrow raised. “Then why don’t you have any cut shirts?”

 

Silence passed between them (excluding the background splashing) as the other boys shared a look.

 

“It’s… clearly too hot for _you._ ” Neil said, clearly at a loss. “Yeah. You’re… uh… sensitive. Clearly. I’m… Gonna go… Play Marco Polo.” Quickly, he went back to the other boys, a blush reaching his ears. Charlie grinned, watching him go off before he was snapped out of it by Todd slipping his hand away. “I’m sensitive?” Todd asked, quietly.

 

Charlie shrugged. “Clearly.”


	14. Sticky hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeks was never one with a sweet tooth. Quite the opposite.

“Good God, Meeks, it’s not gonna kill you!”

 

Meeks looked up at Charlie, frowning. “It won’t kill me, but it’ll ruin my body.”

 

“It’s fucking ice cream.” Charlie said. “You ordered it.”

 

“Peer pressure.” The redhead mumbled, fixing his glasses on his nose. He stared at the ice cream in front of him- well, it was a float, really- Coca-cola and vanilla in a disgusting Frankenstein blend.

 

Yes, Meeks hated ice cream.

 

It wasn’t the taste, or the popularity. But his parents were dentists. He’d grown up avoidant of sugar, at first rolling with it and then letting it develop into a disgust towards the idea. He was careful. He rarely ate candy, and pastries were more common but still slim. Ice cream was the thing that made him shudder at mention of it. He didn’t know why, but a giant part of him just hated ice cream.

 

You can imagine that he hadn’t been too pleased when the others decided to stop for ice cream.

 

Meeks found himself in a pastel horror house of sweet smells and cold air, old music playing from the speakers- not that it mattered, as chatter covered the noise of swing and old rock n’ roll. His friends had gone through their orders like flashcards, attracted to the idea of rotting their teeth. He didn’t understand it. It took him forever to pick something- and God, he realized too late how terrible it was going to be. Soda and ice cream combined.

 

It was a mistake, but Meeks couldn’t really go back on it. He stared at the cup, pushing the straw around and ignoring everyone else not being bothered by it.

 

Until a hand came and plucked it up from the table.

 

Meeks blinked, turning to the thief in question. It was Pitts- his ice cream was long gone, and now he had taken to working on someone else’s. He frowned. “What the hell?” Pitts looked up, grinning and putting the cup down. “Well, you weren’t eating it. Don’t wanna waste perfectly good ice cream.” He explained, licking ice cream off his lips. Fuck. Meeks opened his mouth to reply, but couldn’t find the right words. He didn’t really have anything to say- he  _ didn’t _ plan on eating it, originally. But his stupid, crush-filled mind started to wonder. “...Was it good?” He asked, to which Pitts nodded. Okay. That… was something. Meeks looked at the cup, and sighed.

 

Carpe diem, right?

 

He took the spoon to his cup and took a bite, expecting overwhelming sweetness. That’s what he got- but it was different than what he imagined. Flavor exploded in his mouth, and the fizz of the Coke seemed to make it all melt right on his tongue. Meeks took another bite, questioning how the Coke and ice cream could taste the same. Was it a chemical thing? He went to town on it- he didn't care about his teeth for once in his life- and he only paused when Pitts tapped on his hand to grab his attention.

 

“Mind if I steal another bite?” He asked, his grin sheepish. “That was really good.”

 

Meeks blinked, wondering how to process that and approach it. The love-fueled part of his brain said to give him the whole thing. His reasonable part told him to just say yes. And the new ice cream loving part said to run with the dang thing. Instead of those, he opted to return the smile. “We can share. Grab a spoon.” Meeks said, and Pitts took no time to do as asked.

 

Quickly, the pair finished off the float, all smiles about it. Meeks almost had a mind to order another one when they were finished. But, Neil was ushering the pair back into the van again before he really thought about it. They headed out, side by side, and Meeks started to climb in before Pitts reached out and grabbed his hand- well he aimed for the hand, but really only grabbed his fingers. Meeks turned, brow furrowed. “Something the matter?”

 

Pitts didn’t say anything, looking down. His smile was still in tact. “Nah, I just wanted to say that you should order ice cream more often.” He said. This only confused Meeks more, clearly, and Pitts went to explain. “I just… noticed that you looked happier when you started eating it. It was nice.”

 

He walked to the front of the van after that, leaving Meeks with a wide eyed expression.

 

Gerard Pitts noticed little stuff like that about him. It was an odd thought, but it didn’t go away for a while as Meeks sat with his legs crossed and his eyes trained on the hand Pitts had grabbed.

 

He could still feel stickiness from the ice cream on his fingers.


	15. A comforting talk and a quiet drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The van is quiet for the first time.

For the first time in a few weeks, the van was completely quiet.

 

It drove down an endless highway, Charlie alert at the wheel. Various silhouettes of the boys were scattered, in the passenger seat and the back. Most of them were asleep, through some miracle, no movement aside from heavy breathing. Only two seemed to be awake. Neil looked out the window as they drove on, not tired. It was strange. He felt the urge to go to bed until they stopped for the night, but he almost didn’t want to, and was keeping himself awake. Countless thoughts found their way into his head. Boys with round features, or bold personalities. Holding them. Feeling for them.

 

He looked at the other person awake- Todd, his eyes trained on the opposite window. His face was shrouded in darkness, but Neil could still see the brightness of his eyes in the reflection of streetlights. It made something in his insides jolt.

 

“Todd,” he whispered, reaching over and nudging his friend. Todd looked at him, and he smiled softly. “What’s up, Neil?”

 

God, that smile was going to kill him. “I was wondering how you’ve been feeling recently.” He said, throwing something out there while he thought. “I know you were pretty nervous when we first left.” There was a beat after that, where Todd bit his lip, and Neil registered that maybe he shouldn’t have brought it up. “I’m… okay. I mean, there’s still some nervousness-”

 

“I’m sorry.” Neil interrupted. “I didn’t mean to bring it up-”

 

“No, Neil- it’s okay.” Todd said. “It’s… different nerves. I mean, clearly I’m still nervous about a lot of things regarding what happens later- but recently… it’s not the same.” He muttered, looking at his friend and hoping it made sense. It did. Neil shifted, facing him fully. This was Todd’s cue to continue. “I’ve been sleeping so badly recently. I keep waking up from bad dreams, and when I wake up I can barely remember them- and it just throws me off. I have so much mind that I can’t focus on stuff, and I’m not ready for when this ends. This has been the best summer of my life, and I hate how short it is, because… I’d be willing to let it go on forever. The hotel hopping, the van rides… It means a lot, to have so much freedom.”

 

Another bit of silence filled the space, and Todd sighed. “I feel like, when it ends… something might happen. I feel like we’re doomed.”

 

Now, mind you, Neil was the optimistic out of the two presented here. He usually would have told him that he thought too much, that they would be fine. But, for this? He felt the same way. Welton was… an odd experience that year, and had changed their lives with new possibilities and looks at the world. Their plans for the future had unraveled in front of them. The future wasn’t clear. That could mean bad things… but, good ones, too.

 

Slowly, he scooted close to Todd and wrapped a gentle arm around his shoulders. “I know that… it’s scary to think about. Leaving and facing the mess that is the future. But, I said it before- you make the choices.” He said. His words didn’t seem to reach his friend the way he wanted, and Neil tried to think. What could he do?

 

“...We’re not gonna leave each other completely after this.” He said softly. “I’m not letting you guys go. Especially you, Todd- you’re been such an eye opener for me, and I don’t think I could ever leave. We’re gonna be here for you, always.” Neil paused, letting Todd turn his head to look at him. “Okay?”

 

The other stared, his eyes misty, before he nodded and smiled. Neil smiled back and let Todd rest his head on his shoulder.

 

“You don’t have to be scared. I’m here for you.”

 

The two sat in silence after that, comfortable with each other- they always clicked that way, even when they first met. They were comfortable.

 

In the driver’s seat, Charlie Dalton, clenched his hands around the wheel.


	16. Let's all go to the movies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drive ins were a rare sense of nostalgia, and maybe even an awakening of rude proportions.

It was pure luck that they found an open drive in on their journey. Passing through some small, chipper town, the boys had nearly passed through without a glance before Charlie had forced them to go in to check out the movie place. It wasn’t open just yet, but at least it was gonna be open, showing some older movies. They had a showing for Sleeping Beauty and, for some unknown reason, it was _dire_ that they go. Not for the movie, Charlie explained. But for the experience.

 

Neil agreed instantly. It would be cool to see a movie out in the open, sitting in the van with snacks and a speaker. Slowly, the others came around to the idea, and it was decided. They would see their first drive in movie.

 

Hours were spent eating food, buying stupid trinkets, and just wasting time until the movie was nearly due to start. They got to the drive in early and parked with the back facing the screen. Chairs were rented for the couple of boys that didn’t fit in the back- mainly Cameron and Pitts. They bought more snacks than they needed, pulled pillows out of the van- it was it’s own whole experience just to get ready. When the movie started, it was another thing entirely.

 

Charlie had been a fan of Disney movies for most of his young life, naturally. The colors and music had amazed his inner performer, and he thought that watching a classic would get his mind off of the many things in his brain. He discovered, halfway through the movie, that he was wrong, and destined to think about everything too damn much.

 

He couldn’t focus. It wasn’t far into the movie- Aurora had just met the prince, and Charlie was frustrated. Something about the scene- it bugged him incessantly. He wished he could turn it off. Sadly, that wasn’t an option. He really tried to just watch but he couldn’t. The dancing, the singing. The way his arm wrapped around her shoulders-

 

“I gotta piss.” Charlie muttered, getting up fast and speeding away before any of the boys could get a word in. He went far and fast, stopping around a corner of the main building in shadow.

 

Neil’s arms were around Todd’s shoulders like that. The blond and brown haired duo. It made Charlie wanna vomit, the way they were so obviously in love with each other. He felt stupid thinking that. There was no way to prove that Todd and Neil liked each other. But staying in a room with them, watching them interact for a year- it was becoming more clear each day that it wasn’t strictly platonic, like Charlie and Neil. It wasn’t just admiration, like Todd with Charlie. His breathing felt short, panicky. Why was he getting so worked up? It wasn’t like he’d die if they didn’t feel that way towards him- why would he?

 

“Charlie?”

 

Charlie snapped his head towards Meeks, who’d come up a second into his breakdown. He stared, before straightening his posture. “What? Am I missing anything important?” He asked, clearly trying to work up his uncaring persona. Unfortunately for him, anyone could see past that- Meeks especially.

 

“What’s wrong?” The redhead asked, leaning against the wall. “You never leave a Disney movie. Not even when you got the flu and threw up every five minutes.”

 

Damn it, that was true- he’d kept a whole plasting garbage can between his legs for a whole showing of Aladdin. But this wasn’t gonna stop him from never being emotionally vulnerable. He smiled at Meeks. “Geez, aren’t you a worry wart? I just needed a break from the cheesiness.” Charlie said, shrugging as he moved to stepped past Meeks- but, he grabbed his arm before he could get anywhere, pulling him back and giving him a serious look. “Charlie, I know you better than that. Something’s bugging you.” Meeks said matter of factly. “What’s the matter?”

 

They stared each other down, both with determined goals. Charlie didn’t want to say anything- what was he supposed to say? He was in love with two boys that loved each other. How well was that gonna come off? “I..” He started, ready to defend himself. But the shrewd image of that goddamn parallel, Aurora and her prince versus Todd and Neil- it made him shiver. “I don’t know.” He admitted, gently getting his arms away from Meeks and rubbing the spot it was grabbed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I love this movie, I hate missing it, but they-” “They?” Meeks questioned. Charlie sighed, sitting down- Meeks mimicked him.

 

“They… Neil and Todd. I hate it. They’re so clearly in love and it’s great, they’re absolutely perfect for each other, but it’s like a stab to the gut.” Charlie said, running a hand through his hair and letting out a sad huff of a laugh. “As if I couldn’t just deal with this bullshit without them being like that.”

 

Meeks stared, processing all the information that had poured out of Charlie. “Wait… So, are you, like… in love with Neil?”

 

“I’m not in love with Neil.” Charlie said. For a second, his eyes went back to the van. He saw Todd looking at Neil with a sparkle in his eyes, and he winced. “I’m infatuated with him. Him and Todd. It’s insane, but… they both are just so… they’re good. You know?” He asked. Meeks nodded, kind of understanding, as Charlie went on. “They do things well and they speak up for themselves and they have such… inspiration. Plus, they’ve got the faces of damn angels.”

 

Charlie sighed again, closing his eyes. “Sorry, that’s… a lot.”

 

Meeks laughed quietly, putting a supportive hand on his friends shoulder. “Don’t be sorry. I sorta know how you feel. Except, you know, I only like one guy.” This got Charlie’s immediate attention, and Meeks smirked. “I’ll tell you later.” “You better.” The other insisted, letting another bit of laughter come between them before Meeks continued. “But, you have to be honest with them. They’re understanding, so even if they… don’t like you that way, they won’t hate you, and it’ll be good to get it off your chest. I plan on doing that soon myself. Letting these things just sit in your head’s gonna eat you away, Charlie.”

 

He was right. He knew, he just had to be honest. It was scary. But Charlie always listened to Meeks, whether he wanted to or not. “Alright. I will, soon. Just… I want to see how it plays out.” He said, before he gave Meeks a grin. “So, you’re gonna tell me about that guy you like, or..?”

 

“God, _of course._ ” Meeks said. So the two sat, the movie background noise as they talked about the men they loved, while said men were wrapped up in their own thoughts.

 

And when they got back, Charlie watched his boys with a sad smile.

 

Soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I chose Sleeping Beauty for the movie bc that movie came out the same year Dead Poets took place!


	17. Thunder only happens when it's raining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pitts didn't talk about himself much.

Pitts had always been the least vocal of the Dead Poets, even more so than Todd had been.

 

Yeah, he talked just fine, and goofed around a good bit. He wasn’t mute. But there were many things that the boys just didn’t know about him. What his life was like outside of Welton, his favorite movies or songs- Pitts never talked about himself. He listened, and liked to keep it that way.

 

Maybe that’s why it was so strange to see him react to certain things.

 

A specific thing was thunderstorms. For some backstory, let’s wind the clock to the day of said thunderstorm. It had been a very beautiful day, for the most past. Clouds dotted across the skies, but the sun still shone down on the boys as they enjoyed a day of walking around another small-ish town before they headed off. No one got the idea that it would even drizzle a little bit. But, after an hour, it did. Pitts felt the drops and nearly froze on the spot, instead keeping his cool. It was just rain. The boys clambered into the van and headed off for the next hotel, at least that was the plan unless the rain let up. It only got worse as they continued on. Pitts was glad that they reached the hotel before thunder rumbled in the distance.

 

From there, it just kept getting worse. The thunder got close, shaking the hotel after bright light flashes would blind the boys for a few seconds. Pitts said nothing. He tensed up, focusing on trying to dissect and fix a camera he’d picked up from an antique store earlier on. The others ignored it even more, talking and dipping in and out of the room. At some point, they had all gone off to the pool- at least, Pitts figured that was the case.

 

The room shook again, and this time he let out a very meek whimper, shutting his eyes tight. It wasn’t gonna hurt him. It was just weather, and heat, and noise, he wouldn’t-

 

**_Boom._ **

 

Pitts held back a terrified sob, feeling his eyes stinging as he tried to calm down. Then, the door creaked open.

 

He immediately went to look normal, eyes open once more. But before he could go to even pick up the camera’s lense, a bright flash made him jump, and he grabbed the sheets like he’d die if he didn’t.

 

“Pitts?” Came the voice of Meeks, stepping further into the room with a sudden concern in his eyes. Internally, Pitts cursed himself. “H-Hey, Steven, I… thought you were at the pool?” “No, I was just showering.” The other explained, sitting down on the bed they shared where Pitts was working. “I thought I heard you make some noise, and I wanted to check on you. Everything okay?”

 

Despite another resounding clash outside, Pitts held himself down and nodded. “Yeah, I’m… fine. I just get a little nervous about storms, it’s no-” Another flash and boom made themselves present, and he bit down hard on his lip. “No big deal.”

 

Meeks, of course, was not convinced, and made it clear by not dropping the topic. “This is more than just ‘a little nervous’, man.” He said, scooting closer. “Stop me if I’m jumping to conclusions, but it looks like you’re scared of storms. Which is okay- I’m not gonna judge you on it. But, you know it’s okay to tell someone. Especially when it gets bad.”

 

There was a moment where Pitts considered that. He assumed that part of the reason he never told anyone about it, or about anything related to him, was a feeling that it wasn’t important in grand scale. The words from his friend clearly made him question that feeling, but it lingered still. He said nothing, trying to think of the words and trying to ignore the goddamn thunder around them. His hand shook. He wished it would stop- and, through a tiny miracle, it did with the help of Meeks gently taking it. Pitts looked down at their hands, confused but not upset. “It’s okay, Gerard.” The other said. “It’s not gonna hurt you.”

 

It wasn’t gonna hurt him.

 

They stayed quiet as Meeks made his way up next to Pitts, on the side facing the window, and pulled out his earbuds and phone to distract them from the noise. Then he grabbed part of the camera, and he asked his friend what he’d deduced about it so far. Pitts told him in detail about the beaten up state of the poor camera, with a scratched lense and torn up film among other issues. He talked himself down from his earlier panic, and they stayed together past it, dissecting the camera more and figuring out just how to fix it. They made a promise to run by a store in the morning and grab the right parts.

 

The storm had passed when they went to bed. Pitts stared at the ceiling, wondering why he didn’t think about the earbuds before. They had worked easily. His thought process was interrupted by a sleeping Meeks, who rolled over and curled into his friend’s side. Of course, this made him freeze, as he wondered what to do about it. But with some thought, he let it be, resting his head on the other’s and letting himself drift off.

 

Maybe it wasn’t the earbuds that had helped him, in the end.


	18. What the fuck is wrong with Todd Anderson?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares have been bugging Todd for weeks.

Todd was starting to get worried about his out of place sleeping habits.

 

It had been his seventh sleepless night of the trip so far. Not that it was his choice, really. Several factors went into it: waking up in cold sweats over nightmares, his sensitivity to everything when he was awake, and  _ Charlie fucking Dalton. _

 

Going hand in hand with his sensitivity issues, there was a major issue when Todd and Charlie shared a bed. Charlie moved around a lot in his sleep. He twisted and turned, moving the bed and kicking off the damn sheets. It kept Todd up, and there was no hope in just ignoring it. He’d tried. He hated sleeping with Charlie because of this, and this night was no exception. Except, miraculously, Charlie hadn’t been the thing to wake him up.

 

No, that victory went to the nightmares.

 

Todd stared up at the hotel ceiling, seeing nothing but dim light from the sun rising. Not long before this moment, he’d woken up with a fast heartbeat ringing in his ears. It wasn’t the first time, but it was the worst one. His thoughts were spacey, only focusing on the disturbing images in his dreams. They were gorey and dark and depressing. Snow, smoke. Neil’s face looking out a window-

 

He tried to shake it away, grimacing.

 

This image wasn’t new. Neil had been in his dreams a lot, both the good and the bad. It was like a message. What it was, Todd didn’t know. But it scared him. Really badly. Was something going to happen, was Neil alright? What did it all mean?

 

His thoughts were interrupted with the disappearance of his sheets.

 

Groaning, Todd turned his head to his bedmate, who didn’t even seem to flinch at the cold air of the hotel. In the other bed, he could hear Neil snoring like a damn engine, but he almost wished he was there instead of with the blanket hog. Again, Charlie tossed himself onto his other side, pressing into Todd with all the limpness of a rag doll. Todd clenched his teeth. Okay. This was enough. He slipped away from the other and got out of the bed, snatching his phone from the bedside table. If he was gonna suffer awake, he might as well do something productive. Pulling his coat on, he reached in the pockets to feel around for his cigarettes and nearly headed towards the door.

 

Then, he tripped.

 

It was a brief moments disaster. His foot hit something large- it felt like his own suitcase maybe- and he tumbled forward with an embarrassing thud. Todd stayed there for a second, his mind racing again as he processed what just happened. He scooted around until he was sitting up and facing the suitcase. Something about its silhouette in the room- Todd felt his blood boil, and he shoved it away from him, hiding his face behind his hands.

 

“Todd, what the fuck?” A voice rang from the bed above. He peeked out from behind his figures to see Charlie, awake and looking down at him. He was surprised that the commotion woke him instead of Neil. Todd lowered his hands and sighed. “Hey- sorry. I was trying to leave and- and I tripped.”

 

“It’s okay, man.” Charlie whispered, moving out of the bed and over to Todd. “Where were you going?” “Out.” Todd shrugged. The other didn’t say anything, but he lowered himself onto the ground beside him. “You feeling okay?”

 

“I’m fine. Just can’t sleep.” He said, frozen to the spot. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. You don’t just tell people really morbid dreams about one of the guys you love. Charlie hummed in disbelief. “So, that’s why you’re awake at butt-fuck in the morning for the second time that I’ve seen. Listen, I don’t know what your internally alarm clock is, but no person can have one this fucked. Not even me.”

 

Todd huffed, bringing his knees to his chest. “What? Am I supposed to lament about how much of an insomniac I am?” “No, I just want to know if something is going on.” Charlie had a no-bullshit tone that, while uncharacteristic, fit him well. It made Todd swallow his next words. “Listen, I may be a goof sometimes,” Charlie started with a sigh. “But I’m not gonna poke fun at anything serious. Your whole no talking about stuff thing wore off a long time ago, Todd.”

 

The two sat in a weird silence, Charlie waiting and Todd thinking. Eventually, he spoke up again. “I… I don’t know what’s wrong. Everything about this trip has thrown me off. And I just keep waking up to these dreams-”

 

“Dreams? What, like, nightmares?” Charlie asked. Todd nodded, but he didn’t even know if the other could see it. “They’re ugly, and I can’t get rid of them. I wouldn’t even know how to. I mean, they’ve been bad this whole time. Even a little bit before we left.” He rambled on, closing his eyes tight. It didn’t make a difference. He still saw darkness. “I feel like, no matter what I do, I’m subconsciously determined to have a bad time.”

 

Another beat of silence passed. Todd almost wondered if Charlie had passed out during his speech, and he almost just got up and left again- then, Charlie’s hand found the side of his face, and he gently pulled his head down so it rested on the other’s shoulder. Had they been that close the whole time?

 

“That… that’s pretty fucked, and I won’t lie, I’m not the type of person to talk to about junk like that.” Charlie admitted. “But, I can say that if you know something’s wrong, you gotta try to fight it. I mean, shit- I’ve got almost the same issue. This little voice in the back of my head just vomiting insecurities into my thoughts. I just tell them to shut up and move on- but it’s not that easy for everyone.” He said. “I think, when we get home and go to college and whatever, you should invest in therapy.”

 

“Therapy?” Todd questioned. He felt Charlie’s shoulder rise in a shrug. “Hey man, it’s not a bad idea. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. But it doesn’t hurt to try.”

 

Todd thought about that, biting his lip. Yeah, he had a point. It didn’t hurt to try, and he had the choice to stop it all if it didn’t work out for him. There was no issue with that. “Okay.” He muttered, feeling a little relaxed. Charlie’s arm found its way around his shoulders, holding him close while the two just sat there for a second. The sun let more light in, and Todd could see the look on his friends face. Concern. It was a rare look for Charlie, but it made his heart jolt a little bit.

 

After another moment, they clambered back into the bed, and Todd’s hand boldly found Charlie’s. He could see the soft smile as they laced their fingers. Charlie fell asleep quickly, and Todd let his eyes find the ceiling once more.

 

But not before he stole the covers back.


	19. One of many bad days.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie loves the water, even if it brings out some bad thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, Charlie is trans, and if I get anyone telling me how to write trans characters you better not because I'd know as a trans person thanks have a good one.

Despite not being too loving of the beach, Charlie was no stranger to water by itself. Neil was right to say how much he loved it. Charlie found comfort in water. The coolness of it made him grounded in reality when he was off in space. Being submerged gave him space from the weird persona he put on. It came with some… not fun reminders of things he’d rather just not talk about, but he tried to just push them back with everything else.

 

That’s why he found himself at a hotel pool right before closing.

 

It was late, and he’d been counting down the seconds until he got out and the doors stayed locked for hours. But the day had been… tough. Hot, and uncomfortable. His chest clenched as he stared at two beautiful boys and got smacked with the thought of how great they were, for so many damn reasons. He’d been like that all day. Suffering.

 

Getting to the hotel was the biggest relief. Charlie had excused himself to the pool, and was glad that no one followed. The pool was the place he went when he needed a breather- as much as he loved his friends, it was usually better spent alone.

 

He stayed in the shallow end, arms folded over his chest, even though it was covered by a dark shirt and no one was even there. Charlie didn’t know why, but he felt his stupid insecurities acting up more than usual. This was shocking because they rarely even acted up. Yeah, they nagged him in his deep subconscious, and maybe they’d been getting worse on the trip, but Charlie took pride in his ability to either block them out entirely or at least keep them managed so that he didn’t have an awful time twenty-four seven. He didn’t know what the deal was, and why every part of his brain wanted to rebel, but it was making even the most comfortable thing to him feel like a trap. A frozen, wet, revealing trap. Charlie bit his lip, and unfolded his arms, reaching for the pool’s edge to pull himself out.

 

Then the door opened.

 

He panicked, making his way to the deeper end so his body was hidden and pressing up against the wall. Part of him was relieved to see that it was just Neil. Another part of him started screaming in agony. “Neil, buddy- what, uh… whatcha doin?”

 

Neil gave him a smile, setting a towel on one of the pool tables and giving Charlie a good view of a perfectly bare chest. It shined against the harsh light, and he kept his eyes off it, mostly. “Just thought I would join you before the pool closed.” He explained. He slowly sat down and dipped his legs in the water, staring at Charlie. “That’s okay, right?” Of course he would be a nice son of a bitch and ask Charlie, even when he was already there. The bastard. He silently nodded, moving his eyes onto the rules sign above them. It was much better to look at then Neil. Not because Neil was bad to look at usually, just- right now was tough. He heard the other make his way fully into the pool, hissing at the cold water and splashing water a little bit. He clenched up, holding the edge for dear life. He kept his body as out of view as possible.

 

“Hey, are you alright, Nuwanda?” He heard Neil ask, close by. He tried to force out a smile and turned to his friend. He’d already gotten his hair wet, and he wasn’t hidden well by the water. His eyes tried not to focus. “Yeah… I, uhm… bad night.” He started, trying not to say too much. Neil furrowed his brow, confused, before the right thing clicked. “Oh… one of those nights?” He asked, to which Charlie nodded harshly. “I haven’t had a bad night in a while but, I dunno, something today put me off a lot.” He admitted. Neil nodded in understanding, keeping his eyes trained on Charlie’s face. “Do you… wanna get out?”

 

“No- I’m okay. I just… Gotta work it out.” Charlie said, not sure of himself. His brain was a mess, running in different directions and buzzing. Neil swam closer. “Is it okay to touch you? Just your shoulder.” He asked, holding his hand out. “...Yeah. Yeah, that’s okay.” The other said. Neil carefully put his hand on Charlie’s shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. He grabbed Neil’s hand tightly, trying to keep his fingers from shaking. “You don’t have to stay in here if you’re not comfortable, Charlie.” Neil said quietly. “I know it can get to be a lot when you’re having one of these moments.”

 

Charlie sighed deeply, closing his eyes. One of the things he loved about Neil Perry was that he knew everything about him, inside out. He was there from the beginning- his first year with the name Charlie, all the struggle keeping himself comfortable but passing. He knew his limits. He knew the words to say, the things to do. Neil was always the best person to have around when he freaked out. And although it hadn’t happened in a while, Charlie was glad to see that nothing had changed there.

 

He looked back at Neil, worrying on his lip and letting go of the edge. Neil held out his arms, and Charlie swam close to wrap around his torso. They didn’t speak, just floated there with their toes barely touching the floor of the pool. He shook, partially from cold and partially from his overwhelming emotions kicking his ass. He was jealous of Neil. He wanted to hold him forever. He wanted to tell him so much and be so much and it hurt sometimes that he was still a long ways away from being able to be comfortable.

 

“Neil…” Charlie muttered after a while, pulling back to look at his friend. Neil’s deep brown eyes stared through him, full of worry and something he couldn’t place. The water’s reflection of the lights made their way into his eyes. It was trippy. “I… Thanks. For, you know, being there and not questioning it and just-” “It’s okay, Charlie. I’m your friend, you know I’m here for you.” Neil said with his perfect smile shining through.

 

Charlie didn’t know if he hated that smile yet, or if he found himself loving it even more.

 

“Yeah, I know.” He said, his mouth twitching up in a smile. He felt calmed, and a part of his brain told him that the moment was perfect. He could spill everything out and Neil wouldn’t care. He could get it all out. “It’s just… What I’m trying to say is-”

 

“Pool’s closed, Tweedles!” A voice came from the door of the pool. Charlie tensed up all over again, pushing away from Neil as Meeks walked up. He looked at the two, pausing. “...Am I missing something?”

 

“No, dipshit.” Charlie grumbled. “What the fuck are you doing?” “Pool’s closed. Cameron is making a big fuss about you two not being back. Sent me to get you.” He explained, shrugging. “Now get your asses out.” With that, he turned and headed out.

 

Neil sighed, pulling himself out and lending Charlie a hand. He ignored it, but still gave the other a smile.

 

“Yeesh, you think we’d get a less rude warning.” Neil said with a chuckle, grabbing his towel. He looked back at Charlie. “So what were you gonna say?”

 

Charlie stared at him, desperately wanting to say something- anything. But he didn’t. He just wrapped his towel around his shoulders. “It’s nothing. Just, thanks.” He muttered. Then he moved past Neil and went out the door, squeezing his eyes shut to avoid the stinging pain in the back of them.

 

He was never gonna spit it out, was he?


	20. The importance of the car radio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A key figure in this trip gets replaced.

It was a tragedy, to say the least, when the van’s radio broke.

 

After a month of listening to god knows how many stations, ranging from 80’s hits to pop to weird talk shows that the boys would mime along with, the day that no sound came from its speakers was a blow for them. They couldn’t just drive without it. The whole thing had stopped, and they’d go to Hell before they drove for hours without any noise. There was only one thing to do. 

 

Sadly, Pitts and Meeks were the only ones who could do it.

 

A delay in the spontaneous trip, the others had decided that they’d stay behind long enough for at least enough of the radio to be fixed so that they could get going. And those two were the only ones who knew the inner workings of radios. Pitts personally didn’t mind it. He liked fixing things. But, then again, a car radio was a whole new ballfield. He realized that while sitting in the passenger seat, holding the speakers in the his lap and frowning at the wires, wearing and thin. “Yeah, I don’t see how we can fix it. This thing is dead. You don’t bring dead things back except phones and stuff with batteries.”

 

Beside him in the driver’s seat, Meeks let out a large groan of annoyance, slumping back. “Well, great. Fantastic. How the hell are we gonna survive a road trip with no music?” He asked- Pitts shrugged, fiddling with some of the wires. “I’unno. Maybe we can get someone to just play their phone’s music really loudly?” “No way, we’re too addicted.” The other countered. They sat there and pondered what to do. Heat was beating down on their skin, making thinking even more difficult. Pitts brushed bits of dust and dirt out of the speakers. “Well, there can’t be no hope whatsoever. Maybe…”

 

He trailed off, frowning. Did he even have an idea? Pitts wondered if there really was anything to be done. It wasn’t like a new radio was gonna fall out of the sky.

 

Hmm. Wait. That actually made him think about something.

 

“Alright- there has to be an electronics store around here.” He determined, sitting up. “So there has to be someone who can either help us put in a new radio, or set us up with another solution. Right?”

 

Meeks pondered that, and then slowly nodded. “Yeah. Yeah! Why the hell didn’t we think of that sooner?”

 

“Heat’s distracting.” Pitts grinned, strapping in his seatbelt. Another answer could have been ‘your eyes’ or ‘the way you chew on the corner of your lip when you’re focused is fascinating’, but he kept those in his head. Meeks started up the van, and with the help of the a/c cooling them down significantly, they made their adventure into the world of the unknown. Well, the unknown of the city they were in, at the very least.

 

The world sped by them at lightning speed, and Pitts tried to make sure he saw it all, even though most of it went away before he could even take a glimpse. He heard Meeks humming, trying to keep noise in the dead space they were working to fill.

 

“So,” Pitts spoke up, looking back at the redhead. The other looked at him, and after they stared each other down waiting for something to be said, neither knowing who would speak up first, he smiled. “What kind of radio should we ask for when we get there? Like, is it a serial number?” Meeks asked. Pitts felt a little sting in his nerves, knowing that he should have expected radio talk. “Ford Ecoline, 1988 model. It’s a rare chance that we get close to finding a radio close enough.” He said, putting his hand on the dashboard. “I don’t know how Knox and I found it. They stopped production years ago.” He commented, and Meeks nodded, impressed. Beats of silence passed, and there was a tension. They wanted to speak. They just didn’t know what to talk about.

 

“...Did you really notice?” Meeks asked suddenly, turning his full attention to the road. Pitts hummed questioningly, and the other’s cheeks tinted pink. “When we got ice cream… you said that you noticed how much happier I got. Have you been… paying attention to that? I’m not judging- far from it. I’m just curious.”

 

Fuck.

 

Pitts had been hoping that Meeks would just ignore that statement. It had slipped out- and yeah, it was true, but it was weird. Admitting that he paid so close attention to him. Like he liked him or something. And yeah, that was true too. But it was still awkward. Roommate, friend, crush- those things never seemed to go well from what he saw. “I… I guess, yeah.” He muttered, brushing the back of his neck. “I mean I pay attention to stuff like that with everyone. It’s really… sorta neat, you know, seeing little things about people. Tells you a lot.”

 

“Yeah, I guess it does.” Meeks sounded… disappointed almost, and Pitts swore he saw his fingers clench up. “Well it’s flattering either way. Knowing you pay attention and all.”

 

“Of course I do!” Pitts smiled. “Who wouldn’t pay attention to literally the smartest kid in our class?” He asked, realizing how weird that might have sounded and momentarily just not giving much of a fuck. Only momentarily. He’d regret it later.

 

Meeks smiled, and his heart skipped a beat as they pulled into the parking lot of a dead strip mall. At the end closest to the car, the sign for Weir’s Electro-Mart glistened in the sun, and two boys left the heat of the van to fix their big issue. There was a lot of talk, price wagers and instructions between that moment and the graceful finish to the project, but it was worth it. Pitts listened to his friend negotiate and talk technology with the shop’s owner, his eyes lighting up and his dimples curling. It was entrancing.

 

When they got back to the hotel, they stayed in the car for another half hour, figuring out the wiring and debating on the best way to install the damn radio. They eventually found a good plan, and Pitts held his breath as he connected everything, checking the speakingers for dust and making sure the volume was all the way down. Once it was done, he turned to Meeks with a proud grin.

 

“Ready?”

 

Meeks nodded, and pressed the power button for the stereo. The electronic light flicked on- the radio station briefly popped up before showing the time, twelve o’clock. Pitts stiffened up as he reached for the volume and turned it up.

 

_ “...You know she comes around here _ __   
_ At just about midnight _ __   
_ She make ya feel so good, Lord _ _   
_ __ She make you feel alright!”

 

“Holy shit.” Meeks muttered, smiling. Pitts laughed and turned it up more, letting the music fill the van. “We did it! We fuckin’ did it!”

 

“Fuck yeah!” Meeks said, not even protesting as Pitts wrapped an ecstatic arm around him and ruffled up his hair. The two sat there and shook the van with terrible dancing before they piled out, still singing along and proudly gathering the boys to see the radio. They were all beyond happy, and no sooner had they stopped singing along did everyone pull their stuff down and got packed up in the van. They sped off with music still blasting from the windows, bringing the noise with them down the highway.

 

After a while it became normal again- music played over the quiet contemplation of the boys. Knox drove, and Pitts sat up front with him, his grin never fading. He’d shared a victory today. He’d admitted something, and he saw the details of a guy he couldn’t get enough of.

 

This was one of many best days ever, to say the very least.


	21. Paintings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Knox has seen a lot, and he makes connections.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic has been lacking in Knox Overstreet and I am so sorry

Out of all the boys within the society, Knox found himself drawn to physical artwork. Sculptures and pictures and paintings. Of course, he loved poetry as much as the rest of them, and found himself writing it with passion. But he was always in love with the colors and the styles, what they told you without saying a word.

 

Paintings were like people. He noticed that on this trip.

 

They had been on the road for a while, mostly ready to just stop somewhere for the night, when they saw the sign advertising an art museum. Knox brought up how good of an idea it would be- they’d done jackshit the whole trip, he claimed- and they went for it. Cheap admission and bickering from Cameron and Charlie later, they were in, walking around a maze of the creations of others. Knox was in the dead center of a local artist’s exhibit, taking note of the similarities in their work. His friends passed through without stopping much, chatting away. And the connection was made.

 

It was an odd thought process, but it made sense to him. The way that paintings told their stories in expressive colors and frames and shapes, and the way that people told theirs with body language and tones. It all just clicked in his head- especially considering how he had seen these things going on right in front of his eyes for a month and a half. He watched the lives of his friends, and had to guess all the missing pieces from their longing gazes and the way their hands would go to another’s shoulder with such delicacy, or how they said their words and when they’d laugh at something so simple and stupid, just because a certain person said it. Knox saw the story of a trio wrapped up in each other, trying to get the others to notice and all of them on different pages. He saw two quiet kids become louder than bombs around each other, their conversations overlapped and messy but still making their smiles brighter. He saw a man in a world he didn’t understand, frustrated and confused at something that he lacked knowledge of. It was poetic, in a way. His friends told him so much without saying a word.

 

Knox wondered if the others got that. He looked at the paintings on the walls, seeing piecing together their stories, and moved on.

 

They piled back into the car with deep thoughts. Charlie favored a section of mostly color, shapes without meaning, and Neil found himself loving the realistic works, their shadows and lines like photography, and so forth and so on. Debate rang among them while he drove in front, pitching in but mostly just listening to untold stories.

 

People were like paintings. They were expressive and colorful and shrouded in mystery. They were moments and they were abstract. They were everything and nothing at once.

 

He started a poem about it in his hotel room later.


	22. Wads of gum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie's annoying persona is addressed

“Charlie, that's so fucking disgusting.”

 

Charlie looked up across the patio table to Cameron, his face twisted in disgust. Charlie furrowed his brow. “What?” “You just stuck five pieces of gum in your mouth at once, not even thinking about it! That’s just… eugh, your teeth are gonna rot.” The redhead commented.

 

The sun beat down on them with a dreadful heat, and the sound of splashing filled the short silence. All the boys had dipped into the pool for most of the day. Charlie had his own personal reasons for not being with them (he found that it was uncomfortable during certain periods of the month (and the author isn’t funny)), and Cameron was just a buzzkill. Clearly. They had decided to come outside anyway, as if they thought being forced to talk to each other would result in anything good. Wonder where that idea could have come from. Charlie smirked at the other's disgusting., leaning back in his chair and making sure to show off the truly giant wad of gum in his mouth. “Oh, yeah, gum is just so gross, what was I thinking? I guess that’s why you smoke instead. Must be so much better for your body, right?"

 

Cameron looked at the lit cigarette between his fingers, scowling before putting it out. “God, can you stop? You're acting like a fucking asshole- no one cares anymore."

 

“Yeah, and no one cares how smart you claim you are, but you still love to show that off, don't ya?” The other shot back. “What’s your issue with some gum and a little sarcasm?” “A little?” Cameron scoffed. “Every word that comes out of your mouth is sarcasm. All you do is crack jokes, and you never take anything seriously. It gets old.” He spat. "You could learn to emote a little or maybe try to consider that some stuff if more important than your fucking sense of humor, _Nuwanda._ " 

 

Cameron seemed very proud of himself after the other hadn't responded, crossing his arms and letting his lips curl up in a smile. Charlie opened his mouth to respond... but, nothing came out. He hated to say it, but Cameron probably had a point. How often did he say anything serious? Recently he did it more, but not openly. Just to a few people. He was kind of an asshole. Charlie started to slump, defeated- and then a soft hand placed itself on his shoulder.

 

“Hey, guys- whatcha talking about over here?” Came the voice of Todd Anderson, smile wide and eyes curious. Charlie blinked. He honestly didn’t expect him to step over, knowing how quiet he was, but he didn’t complain. “..Uh, Cameron’s just.. Bein’ a stick in the mud, y'know.”

 

“I am  _ not _ .” Cameron spat. “I’m just telling Nuwanda here that his act is old.” The venom in his name made the other shudder, looking down and gritting his teeth. “You agree, right, Todd? I mean, it’s like he’d rather just spout off comebacks instead of say anything meaningful. I’m pretty sick of it! I think we all are.”

 

Todd frowned, moving behind Charlie to rest both his hands on his shoulders. “Well, don’t you think we get tired of you?” He responded. Charlie looked up with wide eyes, shocked at the words. So was Cameron, apparently, silent enough to give Todd a chance to continue. “All you really do is talk about how much fun you aren’t having, how we all suck and that ‘there’s an honor code’, but come on. It’s not Welton. We’re supposed to be having fun and doing stuff, and all you ever wanna do is get your shit together for Harvard. You might find Charlie annoying, and no offence Charlie, but he absolutely can be.” Charlie smirked, not even stopping him. “But at least his jokes are more fun to listen to than you complaining about everything we do.”

 

Cameron’s jaw had dropped by then, his mind obliterated by the comeback Todd had given. Charlie was trying not to laugh about it, slowly standing. “Yeah… Good luck recovering from that burn, buddy.” He slapped Cameron on the shoulder before he and Todd walked off, barely containing their smiles.

 

“Thanks for sticking up for me there, man.” Charlie said. “I know I can actually be kind of annoying sometimes.” “You’re not as bad as him.” Todd assured, wrapping his arm around Charlie. “Besides, I don’t think you’re actually annoying. I only said that to give you shit.”

 

Charlie laughed. “Jesus, you’re bold today. I think I like this Todd.”

 

When he said that, Todd’s cheeks went pink, and he tried to ignore that he saw it happen at all. “I mean, I like all Todds. Well, I mean, you Todd, but every… nevermind.” He muttered out the last bit before silence completely filled up the space. They walked back up to their room without even thinking of it, and separated, Todd biting his lip. “I’m gonna hop in the shower- don’t come barging in or anything.” “Can’t make any promises!” Charlie said, but he knew he wouldn’t actually. He was a dick, but he respected privacy. Most of the time, anyway.

 

He plopped down on the bed and sighed, feeling his insides churn in hunger, pain, and lovesickness. A mix that was never fun. He listened to the water running and thought about a lot of different things at once. The things Cameron said, not much but still stinging at the brutal way he seemed to feel. The way Charlie knew what he said was true. How Todd stepped in and the same clip off the other defending him and the dumb look on Cameron’s face ingraining itself in his brain. The way Todd smiled. His hand on his shoulder.

 

“Fuck.” He muttered under his breath, bringing his arm up to cover his eyes. He was a fucking loser, and love was absolutely to blame for it. That and other things.

 

Todd came out again, and they wasted their time with television and meaningless talk. Their hands bumped into each other, their fingers almost laced. Charlie looked at him from the corner of his eyes, noticing how trained they were, but also how distracted he seemed just from his trying expression. Charlie wondered… no. It wasn’t him. He was thinking about other things. Charlie know that he wasn’t worth the thought in his friend’s mind. Honestly, it was probably Neil.

 

Their roommate came back soon, and he joined their television watching for a short while before the group went for food. The rest of the night was boring. They headed to bed early, Todd and Neil in a bed together (for Charlie’s personal sake) and himself just staring at the only light from the window.

 

And all this time, the gum’s flavor seemed to linger in his mouth.

 

 


	23. Saturday night's alright for getting beat up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeks is uncomfortable in most social situations. This is no exception.

None of the boys could tell you how they ended up at a party on this trip.

 

It just sort of happened. One minute, they were on the road, passing through small streets to get to the nearest interstate. Then, through the discovery of music and a string of parked cars leading to a well lit house, they wound up in the middle of a party. Maybe they were pulled in by local teenagers, or maybe they slipped in. Either way, they were just there. And it took no time for them to find the alcohol.

 

Meeks watched chaos unfold in front of him. Excluding himself (he’d never been drawn to the idea of booze), all of the boys ran to fill up cups and lose themselves in the burning drinks. They spread out and within minutes were wrapped up in a million social situations. Awkward conversations, flirting, and getting way too messy with their drinks. Even Cameron was pretty wasted within a few sips (like the lightweight he was). They let themselves get loose, make friends. What did Meeks do?

 

He stayed against a wall. Yeah, you’d _never guess_ that he’d be more of a wallflower when it came to parties.

 

Meeks found himself at odds in social situations, never really knowing the right thing to say to strangers. He was certain that they didn’t find his attraction to technological science interesting. And yeah, he knew about memes and new music, but it overwhelmed how much underground stuff people were getting into. He didn’t know what to say, or what to do. So he stuck back. He held a slowly warming Coke can in his hand (even though he didn’t like Coke, and the condensation was bugging him more than the loudass music) and watched it all happen, ready to go back into the van and drive them all towards a hotel.

 

As if the world just decided to hate him, they didn’t go for a few hours. The others were having too much fun. They drank and they talked and Meeks swore he even saw Neil give Todd a kiss on the head at some point. Too much was happening for him to drag them away. Meeks didn’t care. He was fine- he had a fully charged phone, what did it matter?

 

His attention was drawn on a rather frustrating game of Sudoku- none of the numbers seemed right and it drove him insane.

 

Suddenly, voices broke his concentration.

 

“Man, take a look at that gangly fucker.”

 

Meeks looked up at a couple of douchebags, smirking as they stared at a rather tall boy refilling his cup. A boy that he happened to know well.

 

“Hey! Green giant!” One of them said, gathering the attention of Pitts. “What’s the deal- are you part tree or somethin’?” He asked, his friend trying not to laugh. Pitts stared at them in confusion. He was never the brightest bulb in the pack when he was drunk. “M’Sorry?”

 

“You should be! You’re nearly busting through the roof!” The second douche laughed, giving his friend a high five. Meeks sneered. They weren’t good insults- their drunkenness probably made them even dumber than they already were- but it was still dickish.

 

“Hey, why don’t you guys take your wasted time to think of some more original stuff.” He spoke up in a moment of anger, removing himself from the wall. “Just calling him tall is idiotic- and unnecessary, by the way.”

 

The two douchebags looked at him with raised brows. “What?”

 

“I’m saying leave him alone.” Meeks spat. “Stroke your egos somewhere else. He’s not even that fucking tall.”

 

They continued to stare, clearly taking their time for his words to register. When they did the boys got nasty looks in their eyes. But, at the very least, they didn’t try to prove him wrong or anything.

 

They did end up punching him though.

 

Meeks swore his life flashed before the guy’s fist connected with his nose, sending him onto the ground. A sharp pain in his stomach and back told him that there was definitely more to the violence, and he tried to get up, kicking at nothing. He couldn’t see well- and he started to taste blood. His head was ringing. The pains to his body stopped, and he heard the sounds of more hitting, but was pulled up and letting the sound of the blood rush drown it out before he registered anything. Meeks let others lead him outside and back into the van, the harsh lights making him squint.

 

Voices around him were mumbled, like they were coming from behind thick walls, until he slowly felt it become clear as his head started to stop feeling dizzy.

 

“Jesus Christ, Cameron, get you hands away from his fucking face!”

 

“He’d bleeding! What do you expect me to do- shit, where are his glasses?!”

 

“I grabbed them, but they’re useless right now.”

 

“What the fuck were you thinking, Meeks?!”

 

“Whuh…” He hummed, covering his eyes. Everything seemed to start working again, and while his head still spun, he could register things fine. He still couldn’t see- but he doubted that was from the punch. “Christ- what the fuck are you all doing?”

 

“Holy shit, thank God, I thought you were gonna pass out.” Charlie came into view, brushing hair away from his face. “You okay? What’s your head feel like?”

 

“It hurts, dumbass.” Meeks slowly sat up, wiping his hand over his face and hissing at the sting of pain. He saw the red marks on his hands, squinting. “Oh, god, don’t tell me my nose is deformed for life.” “You’re gonna be fine.” Pitts scooted up next to him, a hand on his shoulder. “Who’s sober enough to drive?”

 

No one spoke up right away, and Meeks groaned. “Well, at least my beating made you all more alert. Someone reach into my bag and pull out my backup glasses- I can drive.”

 

“You just got punched in the face!” Charlie protested. Meeks simply rolled his eyes and decided to find his glasses himself, unzipping his bag and feeling around until he got them. He opened the case and slipped them on unceremoniously. “Good grief, I didn’t get shot! Might have a broken nose or a concussion, but it’s better I drive than any of you wasted bastards. Keys, now.”

 

Reluctantly, he was handed the keys and he climbed into the driver’s seat. The others sorted themselves out in the van, Pitts up front in case Meeks passed out, and without another word, they drove off.

 

* * *

 

“Christ!” Meeks exclaimed, wincing at the sting from his sore nose. “Watch it, man!”

 

“You’re the one who decided to get involved.” Pitts scolded him, trying to wipe at the other’s face more gently. When they got to a hotel, he insisted on cleaning his face up, even though Meeks didn’t care either way. They’d been there for ten minutes, trying to scrub away the blood.

 

“I got involved because they were being dicks. And they weren’t even good at it! They just called you tall, I mean, good god.” Meeks muttered, wincing. He didn’t regret stepping in. Pitts, however, seemed resentful of it. “Well you got your ass handed to you. You’re lucky Charlie and Knox stepped in to save your ass from a broken ribcage.” He muttered. Meeks sighed. Of course they did. “I’m not sorry for telling those asses what was just the truth.”

 

“But you got _hurt._ ”

 

“You could have to.” Meeks said, grabbing Pitts by the wrist and leading it away so that he could really look at him. “I know they were barely saying much. But… it was still two being being jackasses. And you never know… I got worried, I guess. What if you had taken the first hit?”

 

Pitts blinked, taken aback by the care he showed. Meeks bit his lip, wincing at the taste of his own blood still there, and slumped back. “Sorry, I-”

 

“Don’t be.” Pitts said, giving Meeks a small smile. His hand moved to grab the other’s with a gentle squeeze. “I’m just glad that it’s not anything serious. I mean, we may have to take you to a doctor or something, but oh well.” The boy shrugged, and Meeks laughed softly. “Yeah, that’s gonna kick our asses even more.”

 

They smiled at each other before Pitts continued to wipe off his face, being as carefully as he could. “You know, I’d do the same thing for you.”

 

Meeks felt his heart leap out of his chest. “If you ever did, I’d never let you hear the end of getting your ass kicked.”

 

“Fuck you, man.”


	24. What the fuck is wrong with Todd Anderson 2: Electric Boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Todd thinks too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Todd characterization is having a theme, isn't he?

Todd was grateful that he managed to get a good amount of uninterrupted sleep at least one of the nights of the second months on the road.

 

Sure, it was late in the trip, but it was still a success in his eyes. The only issue was that he was still up earlier than he might have liked. The sun was starting to rise and he was sitting in the van, a cigarette between his lips with the smoke leaving a nasty but still addictive taste on his tongue. Very little was going through his head, it seemed. Tiredness did nothing to help his thinking process, which sucked, because he had a lot to think about.

 

Specifically the fact that he was incredibly in love.

 

He had been thinking about it a while. It’s why he was so scared for it all to end, dreaming of their faces and doing everything just to keep them happy. Todd Anderson was desperately in love- and with two people, of all things! Neil and Charlie had been unexpected, but not unwelcome changes in his life. They taught him to open and they gave him reason to smile more. Neil’s creativity and ambition with Charlie’s humor and sensitivity- they made him melt. It felt perfect. God, it  _ was _ perfect.

 

Of course, there was fear that came with it all. Fear of if he had the guts to say anything, and he doubted that he did. There was the fear of how they would handle it if they did- best case scenario, one of them returns the feelings. But the worst case felt more likely. They wouldn’t hate him. After everything, there was no way that this would ruin their friendship. But it would get awkward. And then, there was the consideration of whether or not they would even be near each other in the future. Going off to colleges all over the country- nothing was certain.

 

Todd grimaced. Damn it, he was thinking about that too much. It wouldn’t be  _ the end _ .

 

But, it was still a big change. He only knew them for a year, but within that time they’d become his greatest friends. They understood him, they didn’t judge his anxious behavior and they tried to help him.

 

He didn’t want to lose them. Not through different colleges. Not from unreturned feelings. Not at all.

 

But he knew that something was gonna get in their way. Todd felt it in his bones, he saw the end of the Dead Poets like Cassandra saw the Trojan War. It was poetically horrifying. Beautifully tragic.

 

He tapped out the ashes from his cigarette. Smoke curled up and out of the van’s window, disappearing with the stars. Light shone through. It started to blind him, and Todd winced, tossing his cigarette altogether and stomping it out as he stepped out of the van. He knew everyone else would be up soon, and they would be on their way closer to the end of the trip. He guessed that they had another week of just random travel at least, and depending on where they were, they would drive home without much stopping and adventure to get back in time for letter openings and last minute semester planning. Or, maybe they were already planning.

 

Todd silently made his way back to his room, flopping back onto his lonely bed and letting his eyes closed while he heard the pair beside him shuffle around, voices grumbly and tired. They were perfect voices.

 

What Todd would have given to hear them forever.


	25. A brief seduction via saxophone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie is a skilled player of the sax, and Neil pays for remotely questioning him.

“No, no, no, you guys are dumbasses!” Charlie silenced the crowd of boys all in the van. “The saxophone is the sexiest instrument! Careless Whisper has it, and that song can turn anyone on in a matter of a couple of notes!”

 

“You’re insane!” Neil laughed, resting his chin in his hand on the floor of the van. It bumped against smaller road and made them all shake, even when they tried to find comfortable places. They had all been talking for hours to pass time, and somehow they’d gotten on the topic of music. Neil knew there’d be heavy debate- there always was, when it came to Charlie and music- but this was intense. Charlie shut down every argument to the sax that came his way, threatening to play it too many times to count. All of them rallied together just to see if they could defeat him.

 

Except Neil, of course.

 

“I’m not insane, I’m right!” Charlie defended as the boys started to playfully boo. “Oh- come on! There is nothing wrong with the beauty of the saxophone!”

 

“You only like it because it’s a meme.” Meeks said, and Charlie paused, shrugging. “That’s partially true. It does have it’s hand in hilarious pieces of media, but it’s more than that! The saxophone is a smooth, loving instrument!” He reached out to Todd’s face, teasingly pulling him close and holding his face while Todd smiled and squirmed. “It’s like the cover of a Playboy magazine stepped off the page and started to hold you in her arms, her skin as smooth as the sounds!”

 

“Eugh- get off!” Todd pushed away with a laugh. Charlie grinned. “You can’t deny it! The saxophone is the superior instrument! Hell- I only know like, three songs on the damn thing, but I bet I could seduce anyone with them.”

 

“Prove it.” Neil spoke up. His friend turned his head sharply, and raised a brow, curiosity in his eyes. “Really? You want me to bust that thing out?” Even through a choir of negative answers filled the van, they locked eyes and the nod Neil gave was the only answer he needed. Charlie smirked. “Okay, shut up assholes, I’m gonna prove this shit to you!”

 

He reached over to the case for his sax, glad he’d brought it along with him on the trip, and unlocked it. The others seemed to forget even trying to stop him- once Charlie set out to do something, it was hard to change his mind. He pulled out the instrument and threw the strap onto his torso, dusting it off and holding it delicately. He looked out at his audience. “Alright, I’m gonna need a beat for this one- Africa. Toto.”

 

Everyone tried to hold back their own laughter, and Neil couldn’t believe what he was watching. He gave Charlie a questioning look, and only got a wink in response. Eventually, Pitts and Meeks started off the clapping/sort of beatboxing rhythm of the song. It echoed through the van, the boys gently swaying and grinning and laughing. When it came around, they even started to sing the open synth part together, clearly having fun with the song. Even Cameron seemed to be enjoying himself for once. Neil stayed focused, feeling his stomach clench up when Charlie started to play.

 

The sounds of the saxophone filled up the van, beautifully smooth just like Charlie had promised. Everyone paused for a second, shocked at how good it was- despite having heard him before. They were quick to pick it back up, though, all cheering along and yelling the lyrics out into the night. It was loud and upbeat, and it seemed to go on forever, the same harmony repeating itself but no one even noticing. When it dwindled to an end, all the boys erupted into cheer.

 

Except Neil. Neil was stuck like glue, watching Charlie with the same eyes he gave Todd almost every day. His heart fluttered. Charlie leaned down close and spoke softly, smugness in his tone. “Did I seduce you, Perry?”

 

He didn’t say anything, grinning and holding back the urge to just grab him in a hug.

 

Deep down, though, the word ‘yes’ rang through his mind and heart.

 

Of course, he’d be the one to be seduced by Africa by fucking Toto.


	26. The importance of communication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truths are brought up, and the boys realize how scary emotions are.

It was tense in their hotel room.

 

Todd could feel it in the air- they were all tense. They looked at each other but couldn’t make any eye contact. They wanted to speak but didn’t know what to say. Anyone else could have told you that it was lovesick foolishness but they’d deny it until they died. Well, Todd didn’t deny his own case. He knew he was a gushy idiot.

 

Not a word was spoken as they tried to figure out what to do with themselves, Charlie taking the greatest answer of just disappearing to take a shower. That just left Neil and Todd, sitting on the bed and twiddling their damn thumbs. At this point, Todd had zero hope of getting anything off his chest. He didn’t know why everyone else was tense, but if he couldn’t say a word to either of them out of his own feelings and the frustration they brought, how would he ever be able to make such a big move?! He couldn’t even ask if they wanted to watch TV!

 

He bit his lip and kept his eyes trained on a notebook in his lap, pencil marks filling in the edges of the paper to make up for his lack of any decent thought process. It felt like it had been forever since he was able to write anything. Mr. Keating would have given him hell, and he tried to use that to motivate him, but nothing was working. He ripped out pages and got distracted by Neil’s fucking smile and Charlie’s fucking jokes and-

 

“Fuck!” He muttered, forgetting that he wasn’t alone as he smacked his notebook against his forehead.

 

Todd didn’t notice Neil turn to him, eyebrow raised. But he _did_ manage to hear his stupid voice. “You okay?” He asked, scooting over and watching the other curiously. Todd sighed and dropped his notebook. “Yeah, just… stressed as usual.”

 

Beats of silence followed as Neil nodded, and it almost looked like he was going to leave Todd to do his thing. Then he smiled. “Let’s go smoke.”

 

He couldn’t complain about smoking. He shrugged and grabbed his coat, cigarettes and lighter still proudly there, before the duo headed out of the hotel, standing in the little loading archway out front. Lights beamed down on them as they lit up, drawing in harmful toxins and release the tension that had built between them. They were quiet, letting the moment sink in. But Todd was very quickly tired of silence.

 

“So… it was kinda awkward up there.” He noted, watching Neil nod as he tapped away ash. “You guys okay? I mean… did something happen?”

 

“No.” Neil said, looking at his cigarette. “I… I’m not sure what’s up. Recently I’ve been feeling.. Fuzzy.”

 

“Fuzzy?” Todd asked, drawing more smoke in while Neil sat on the sidewalk. “I’m not sure how to explain it. It’s like, everything in life is sinking in and it all seems great and terrible at the same time! I have so much I wanna say and do, but I’m scared that if I do-” “You’ll get hurt by it?” The other finished, to Neil’s surprise. He blinked, but nodded, a sad smile on his face. “Yes! Yes, that’s exactly it! That no matter what I do… It might not be worth it. Have you been feeling that too?”

 

Todd nodded, putting his cigarette out. He couldn’t find himself able to finish it. “More so than I’d like to admit. It’s scary… but I’m sick of being scared, y’know? I’ve been scared my whole life of everything I come across, and you can’t be scared like me! We have to get through it together! We have to kick fear in the balls and do what we want- it’s our life, right? I mean, can’t we just live?”

 

There was more silence, and Todd wondered what kind of boundaries he might have stepped over- the common fear of his head coming through again. Thankfully, the thought left pretty quickly, but only because Neil had decided to invade his personal space.

 

We should talk about that.

 

It was moments after he’d stopped talking. Todd felt his chest caving in as he feared the worst. And then, there was Neil, moving close and not giving him even a second to think before he came down and grabbed his lips in a short kiss. It was sweet, and it tasted like cigarette smoke and Pepsi. Todd was taken aback, and he pulled away to let himself register. He regretted it as soon as he saw the guilt in Neil’s eyes. “I’m sorry- I know, that was sudden but… You said it first. We can’t be scared. And, I’m not scared to do that anymore.”

 

Todd huffed in laughed, smiling wide and going back to kiss Neil again in seconds. He felt Neil smile against his lips and they melted together, lost in their thoughts and their happiness. Their lungs betrayed them- probably as thanks for the smoke- and they broke apart to breath, their eyes shining with their foreheads pressed together.

 

“Neil,” Todd spoke, barely able to get his voice above a whisper. Neil moved to press happy kisses to his cheeks, laughing between each one. It was like every worry he ever had just disappeared, vanished into nothingness. Todd would have stayed like that forever. But a new worry came and punched him in the gut. He put his hands on Neil’s shoulders, moving him back. “Neil, I love you. I am so seriously in love with you that it’s fucking _crazy_.” He started, swallowing his nerves. “But.. you’re not the only one.”

 

Neil’s brow furrowed, but only out of confusion. “What do you mean?”

 

Taking a breath of courage, Todd felt himself unafraid for the first time in his life. Genuinely unafraid. “I love Charlie. And you. At, like, the same time. Sort of like a double crush thing- if that’s not chill, that’s okay, I know it’s weird and like it might be complicated, I just wanted to let you know that in case-” A quick kiss to his lips shut Todd up, and he saw Neil smiling again. “You’re never gonna believe this, but I’m in the exact same boat.” He admitted. Todd grinned bright. “No fucking way.” “Yes fucking way!” Neil laughed, and they wrapped their arms around each other, happy but not sure why.

 

“Holy shit.” Todd mutterd. “Holy shit, what are we gonna tell him?”

 

“We tell him we love him!” Neil said, pulling back and holding Todd’s face. “Just be honest with him. If he doesn’t feel the same, we’ll live. But it never hurts to ask.” That made sense. He nodded, and they joined hands, heading n to expand the love.

 

Oh, how rough that was gonna be.

  


Charlie’s eyes stung violently, closed shut as he tried to get the stupid fucking image out of his head.

 

Neil and Todd. Outside. Wrapped in each other and making out like no one’s fucking business. He’d never asked to see it. He never wanted to know that they loved each other like that, he never wanted to have the truth slapped in his face that they didn’t care, they weren’t gonna feel that way about him, because why would they, that was just _weird_ , right?

 

He’d come across it without meaning to. When he got out of the shower and saw them missing, he decided to search for them, wanting to apologize for being antisocial. He’d even built up some guts and thought of talking to them about his whole crush deal. Of course, the universe played its cruel joke and lead him to find _that_ scene. God, it felt like… he didn’t even know how to describe how he felt, seeing it. Torturous, angry, miserable. He rushed back to the room in seconds, barely getting onto the elevator before he broke, tears pushing through without his control. He held himself high, trying to keep himself composed as he ran into the safety of the hotel bed and let it wash over. The feelings attacked him, and he’d barely managed to calm down. The only thing that seemed to do the trick was splashing his face with water, breathing deeply and clenching his fists so hard, his nails left imprints in his palms.

 

He just sat down on the bed after that, trying hard to keep it off his mind and stay collected. That goal flew out the window when the two lovebirds came in, holding hands and making him sick. “Well, welcome back.” Charlie muttered, gritting his teeth when he looked over and saw them smiling. “Decide to continue the action in the bedroom?”

 

Neil laughed, his face turning pink. “Let me guess- you saw us?”

 

“Yeah, I saw you, asshole.” Charlie spat out, standing from the bed and grabbing his coat. Their laughing and smiling seemed to fade quick. He knew how terrible he was at hiding his emotions, and despite how upset he was, he felt bad. “Charlie, what’s wrong?” Todd asked, stepping up and reaching out to put a hand on his back. Charlie flinched away. His palms stung. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong. You two just enjoy your wonderful lives together! Have fun, get married- you know, couple shit!” He shoved past them to go to the door. They immediately tried to go after him, and Neil was only successful in grabbing his arm and stopping for a second. “Charlie- calm down! Okay, let’s talk-”

 

“What is there to talk about?!” Charlie yelled, turning around. “There is absolutely nothing to discuss here! You two are in love! Good for you! Now, unless you want black eyes interrupting this _happy union_ , leave me the fuck alone.” With that note, Charlie bit his lip and left, the door slamming behind him. He didn’t notice the fresh tears streaming down his cheeks.

  


As always, he found himself outside, feet dangling in the cold water of the hotel’s pool. The lights glowed from under as he felt wind on his cheeks, making them sting. That was the thing he hated the most about crying. It always felt terrible afterwards.

 

Charlie kicked his feet, staring at his palms- deep red imprints and dried blood stained what were usually perfectly soft hands. He sighed, closing his fists again. He thought about that whole scene. He knew he overreacted. He knew, he should have just shut up and let it be, he would have been fine in the morning. Or, maybe within the week. Or the month. But when he got upset… nothing could calm him. He tried, but Charlie had a terrible issue of letting himself be ruled by his fucking emotions. It wasn’t fair to him, and it wasn’t fair to Neil and Todd.

 

What a way to show someone you love them.

 

He heard the footsteps behind him. He knew that it was one of the others boys, worried about his outburst and ready to bring him back inside to face the music. Charlie clenched up. He wasn’t ready for a scolding.

 

“I should have told you.”

 

Neil’s voice echoed in the air, and Charlie bit his lip, saying nothing. There was silence, and Neil sighed. “I should have told you that I liked Todd. I’m your best friend. And, I know we’re close-”

 

“You think I give a fuck?” Charlie asked, turning his head to see the dark shadow of his friend. “It didn’t matter that you didn’t tell me. I’ve known that you love Todd. It’s obvious.” He muttered. His shoulders shook. He turned back to the water and exhaled.

 

“It mattered because… I love him too, Neil.” He let it go, figuring it didn’t care now. He kicked at the water. “Both of you. I mean, it’s insane just how in love with both of you I’ve been! And it barely matters anymore that _neither of you noticed_ , but what sucks is that I _knew_ my chances were low. I knew it every second I watched you two just fit and work off each other. It was never gonna work- I never had the balls to tell you, and when I think I do, I had to watch the assurance that I’d lost the one thing I’ve been holding out for unfold in front of me. I don’t give a shit if you didn’t tell me. What I give a shit about is that I didn’t tell you.”

 

Charlie paused to breath, the weight in his chest lightening up as he closed his eyes. “It hurts, Neil. It’s worse than dying, I think.”

 

Neil said nothing after that. Silence filled the air, and Charlie was almost relieved. He’d probably left knowing that there was nothing else to say, and it would have been left alone. He eased up. Then, silent footsteps came up beside him and he heard Neil taking off his shoes and dipping his legs into the water with him. Neil took his hand, gently easing it unclenched and holding his damaged palm.

 

“We were gonna ask you to join us, you know.”

 

Charlie’s breath shook in shock and anger at himself, and Neil managed to keep him calm with both hands on his own. “We shouldn’t have let you go. We should have talked- the way you reacted, we got freaked out and worried. We’re sorry. I’m sorry, Charlie. I just… You know that I love you. Even if it wasn’t actual romantic love- which it very much is- I care about you. So does Todd. We want you happy, and we don’t want you to think that he’d ever want to let you hurt.” Neil paused to press his forehead on Charlie’s temple. “We both love you. We want you to be with us, and we’re sorry we didn’t just say that.”

 

By now, there was no stopping the third stream of tears from Charlie. His eyes had stung and despite keeping them closed, the second he opened them he let tears just pour out like waterfalls. He squeezed Neil’s hand tight and the other let go only to wrap his arms around him. And Charlie sobbed. He cried long and hard, letting everything he’d built up go with tears and short breaths and muttered apologies. He was pretty sure that Neil cried too, their own guilt making them feel worse. They didn’t let go for a long time. It felt like an eternity of sitting their, cool water on their legs and hot tears on their faces and clothes. And when Charlie pulled away and looked up at Neil in an attempt to further apologise, they still didn’t stop.

 

They didn’t even stop when Neil leaned forward and pressed their lips together softly, reassurance that they were gonna be alright. They did slow down, though. Charlie let his hand hold Neil’s face and they broke it off quickly, grossed out at the taste of tears. They let themselves laugh sadly. Charlie wiped away the tears on their cheeks, and Neil’s fingers brushed back damp strands of hair from their eyes. They shared another kiss, and it didn’t taste salty this time. It was almost sweet. When their eyes stopped leaking and they felt themselves breathing again, they went back up to the room. Todd had waited patiently, his own eyes brimming with tears in worry. Charlie felt guilt in his chest. He stepped forward, and Todd stood up fast, opening his mouth to speak.

 

He didn’t get a word out before Charlie wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly, pressing a soft, apologetic kiss to his temple.

 

They didn’t talk that much after. It was questioned how they would work, and while no solid explanation was given, there was just the promise that they would make it work. And Charlie had faith in that. They laid together on one bed, fingers laced together all through the night. He expected to pass out before either of them- his head was spinning and aching from all the tears- but, he was still awake as he watched the sun rise from outside. Light graced the faces of the two boys he loved the most, and Charlie smiled.

 

He went to sleep more comfortably then than he had in a long time.


	27. Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go (to breakfast without me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get some prime "bonding" between probably the two most ignored characters in this fic

“I can’t believe they’re still sleeping.” Cameron grumbled, his back hitting the leather seats of the van. “They’re gonna miss breakfast- and then Charlie’s gonna be in a pissy mood all day! But you know what, it’s not gonna be  _ my _ fault!”

 

Of course it had to be Knox who was stuck with Cameron’s daily bitching.

 

It was never ideal to be one of the only two people awake, specifically when the other person was annoying you to no end, but because fate liked to give him the short end of the stick, there he was. Somehow, despite it being nearly noon, no one else in the group was up. Not even Meeks, the earliest riser of them all, was still fast asleep despite being shaken by Cameron only an hour before now. It was surprising. And disappointing.

 

“Relax, Cameron, it’s not as damaging to their GPAs anymore.” Knox said, watching the doors of the hotel with a furrowed brow. They were supposed to hit the road now- Cameron and him were already packed up in the van. “Besides, they’ll wake up soon. I called Pitts, and I think if anything, his God awful Rick Astley ringtone woke him up.”

 

Cameron huffed. “It’s just frustrating. I mean- am I the only responsible one here?” “Ouch!” Knox said, putting a hand to his chest dramatically. Cameron bit his lips to hide a smile. “Sorry. You’re responsible too- when you aren’t chasing girls and skipping school to stalk them.”

 

Knox playfully smacked his head, fighting back his own grin before turning to the doors again. Still nothing. He sighed and slumped back. “Well, looks like we might be left to our own devices. Wanna go grab some breakfast and bring it back?”

 

There was a moment of silent thought, wondering if the others were even worth the time, before Cameron nodded. Knox started up the van and made way to the closest breakfast place he could think of- The Waffle House.

 

“Oh, really?” Cameron whined. “Yes, Cameron, really! It’s cheap, quick, and not that bad.” Knox defended. He slipped out of the van and locked it behind him, snickering as Cameron fought with the locked door for a second. Finally, the redhead stepped out, and they went in. Cameron immediately let his face scrunch up. “God, this place is so gross. And empty.”

 

“If everyone were here, this couldn’t be more perfect.” Knox put on an optimistic smile. They claimed a booth for themselves, and were polite to the waitress who brought them their menus (even if Cameron flinched at the stickiness of them).

 

“So, what are you thinking about getting?” Knox asked, studying the contents of the Sausage, Egg, and Cheese Hashbrown bowl. Cameron scoffed. “Baby wipes.” “Cameron-” “Knox, this is gross! I can feel at least three whole meals spilled onto this thing!”

 

Knox flopped the laminated menu back on the table, digging into his jacket and pulling out a handful of dollar bills. “Here. Take these, go occupy yourself on the jukebox. Just please, for the love of God, no more talk about how clean this place might be.” He demanded, sliding the money over to him. Cameron grimaced, but he took the money and went to the jukebox. Finally. Quiet about the sanitation of the stupid Waffle House. Their waitress came back, smiling as she set drinks down.

 

“Any idea what y’all wanna order?” She asked them, grinning in a friendly manner. Knox smiled back. “Not just yet- my friend over there still needs to decide.” He explained, nodding his head to Cameron. The waitress didn’t seem to falter. “Got it. Well, holler if you make up your mind before I’m back!” She said before sauntering off. The sound of Wham! filled the restaurant, which almost made Knox get up and clobber Cameron. When the other came up, he gave him a very dissatisfied look. “Are you kidding me?”

 

Cameron frowned. “Hey, this song is catchy!” He defended, grabbing his menu. “Did you order yet?” “Of course I didn’t.” Knox grumbled. “I was waiting for you. And regretting letting you go to the jukebox. Wake Me Up? Really?”

 

“The proper title is Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go, Knox. And yes, really! It’s not a bad song!” Cameron said. He ended the discussion by waving down the waitress, starting to tell her his order. Knox sighed, putting his hands lightly over his ears. Sure, it had to be the straightest person in the whole group to play this song. Why did that not surprise him?

 

Thankfully, the suffering ended quickly, and they got their food before Cameron could go and pick another atrocity. They talked a little about their college plans, Cameron knowing everything he was going to do after this road trip and Knox knowing nothing, when Knox’s phone rang. He grinned, answering to hear Chris on the other line. Answering fast, he put his phone up to his ear. “Hello?” He greeted, voice somewhat light and dreamy.

 

“Where the  _ fuck _ are you?!” The booming voice of Charlie rang out, making Knox flinch at the loudness. “Charlie?! Jesus, chill!”

 

“We just woke up and you  _ and _ Cameron were gone! Do  _ not _ tell me that you ditched us for that fucking weasel!”

 

Knox groaned, standing up. “Relax, holy shit- we went to grab breakfast.” “Without us?!” Charlie whined. “God- We’re going to bring you food! Now can you please stop yelling and tell me what you want?”

 

After he managed to get Charlie to calm down, he got a bunch of orders from the other boys, which Cameron relayed to the waitress. By the time Knox hung up, they had two bags full of breakfast food, and Cameron did his best to hold it all in his lap as they went back to the hotel. The rest of the group came out to pile into the back of the van.

 

“You guys suck.” Meeks grumbled, plopping into a corner and rubbing his eyes behind his glasses. “Well, maybe if you woke up earlier, we would suck so much. Grab your boxes, everyone.”

 

They passed out the to-go boxes with little ceremony, and while everyone ate, Knox checked them all out of the hotel. Then, they were back on the road. Bumpy roads made it hard to eat, but no one complained. Not even Cameron. It was quiet, probably since the others were still too tired to talk and be active. Especially Charlie, Knox noticed. He saw him with his head tucked up under Neil’s chin and his hand laced with Todds, not the most comfortable position, but good enough to keep him happy. Knox smiled a little to himself. Finally.

 

Even with that in mind, the silence was still incredibly tense. Knox knew there was only one way to fix it.

 

“So, you guys are never gonna guess the kind of music Cameron listens to.”


	28. A fair outcome for a fair interaction (just wait)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They roll in at the same time as a fair, and for once, they don't clown around.

For some reason, nothing was quite as grand to the Dead Poets as when they wound up attending a small town's fair.

 

A majority of them realized that they'd never done stuff like that- most of their parents too strict and uptight to bother with the ideas. Charlie and Knox where the only ones who'd ever attended one, and they insisted on pulling in and going for as long as humanly possible. The idea of exciting rides and delightfully rigged games and stuff that would rot their teeth inside out made it so appealing, and they all agreed to go, barely able to contain themselves.

 

With the spare cash they had, they got tickets for everyone, and kept the rest for food money, agreeing that what they got would be dinner for the night. Then they split up, Charlie with Neil and Todd as his sides, Knox pulling Cameron along to go play games, and Pitts and Meeks standing still at the entrance. Pitts, of course, was full of excitement. He loved the idea of the fair. It brought out all sorts of childish fun and feelings he'd never gotten the chance to feel. "What do you wanna do first?" He asked his redhead companion, grinning from ear to ear. "Maybe we should find a ride, and see-"

 

Pitts stopped when he turned to look at Meeks. His skin was pale- well, more so than usual- and his eyes were wide. A small nod of his head lead Pitts to look out in front of them. Beside a game to test your strength, there was a clown. He was tall and lanky, with a grin on his face. His painted face was chipped like fine china. He was unnerving, but clearly not a bad clown. He reached down and gave waves to kids passing buy, laughing and being silly. Pitts didn't understand. "What? It's... a clown."

 

Meeks sighed. "It's stupid, but... Christ, clowns freak me the fuck out. Laugh about it all you want, I know it's dumb." He grumbled, trying not to stare at the clown but being stuck, like he was in a trance. Pitts blinked. At least there was an answer to his friend's odd behavior. But, now there was a problem. Would he be too bothered to enjoy himself? How would Pitts be able to help? He frowned at himself, and tried to think. "Well... that's not the weirdest fear." He said, shrugging his shoulders. "I think you should just... try to ignore it? Or, try to focus on something else. Like..." Pitts looked around, desperate for something to distract them. His eyes landed on a glowing pop up tent, decorated with cheap stuffed animals and target boards. A bored man leaned on the counter-like front of the tent with a cigarette dangling from his fingers. Pitts felt the light bulb in his head light up. "A game! Come on." He grabbed Meeks by the hand and pulled him towards the game, fishing out some money. "Two, please."

 

The man gave him a look of complete dullness, blowing out smoke towards his face, before he leaned down and pulled out a basket of baseballs. He reached his open palm out, and Pitts slapped four dollars into his hands. The man didn't tell him if that was the right or wrong price- he just motioned to the targets and kept smoking. Pitts grinned and looked back at Meeks, who was more relaxed now. "Do you know how to play?"

 

Meeks gave a sour look. "Well, no, not exactly... I'm guessing you just... hit the targets?"

 

Pitts laughed. "I don't know, but we'll find out. You first." He stepped back so Meeks had the floor. He took a breath, picking up a baseball and twisting it between his palms. The man running the booth tapped away ash. Then, Meeks threw the ball with every ounce of strength he had. It bounced on the very edge of the target, falling down onto the dirt ground. He huffed. "Damn."

 

The man gave a short, nasty chuckle, and Pitts put a hand on Meeks shoulder. "Nice try. You still have a couple of tries, though, you've got this!"

 

They shared a smile, and kept playing the booth. They spent half of they money trying to win, switching off who was throwing the ball. It took an hour. Finally- fucking finally- Meeks hit the dead center and knocked down a target. The boys cheered, doing their stupid victory dance to imaginary music, and the man plucked a small stuffed tiger from the wall. It was matted, with large eyes, and its limbs were stubby. Pitts fell in love with it. They took their prize and started to wander, talking about their win and congratulating each other's skills. Time seemed to pass by them so slowly, and before they even realized it, they were on the other side of the fair and standing in front of the ferris wheel. It glowed like a fire, spinning and lifting people up to touch the heavens for the only time in their lives. Pitts looked up at it, amazed, before he heard a tiny grumble beside him. Turning, he saw the clown again, walking around and going up to people to make jokes. Meeks shifted, trying to avoid eye contact. There was only one thing to do.

 

Pitts yanked him up to the ferris wheel, and they slipped on, just barely avoiding the clown.

 

Meeks clung onto his arm, gulping as the ground suddenly got smaller and smaller. But he smiled, even so. They rose to the top slowly, and when they stopped, they could see past camouflaged clouds and gazed at bright sprinkles of stars. Pitts relaxed against the seat.

 

"This has been the greatest night ever." He whispered. He saw Meeks nod from the corner of his eye, and he turned to look at him. His face was shaded by the bright lights of the wheel, but Pitts knew it like the back of his hand. His glasses reflected the grounds below, twinkling and full of life. His smile was small, a twitch of the corner of his lip. Pitts loved it. He couldn't stop staring. Even when Meeks turned to him, and his cheeks lit up in pink, he didn't look away. "What, is there something on my face?"

 

Pitts shook his head. "No. It's just... You look good." He said, trying to figure out what he was wanting to communicate. There was a lot on his mind. And their summer was slowly ending. It scared him, how fast it had gone by, and how he didn't have time left to wait. But he couldn't just... say it all. He wasn't ready. Then again, was anyone every ready to confess their undying love for someone?

 

They sat there, and felt the ferris wheel come down slow. Their feet touched the ground, and he panicked. "Wait," Pitts turned and shoved more money into the operator's hands. "One more round."

 

The operator looked confused, but she didn't question it, letting them go back up. Meeks raised a brow at him. "Pitts, what's up?"

 

He looked back at his friend. All five feet six inches of him. All red hair, loud freckles, bad eyesight. "I... I have to tell you the truth, man, I'm freaking out. There's not much time left for me to say it and I don't wanna mess it up."

 

They stopped at the top again, the wind brushing their faces. "Pitts, are you okay?" Meeks questioned.

 

"No. I'm not." Pitts answered honestly. He bit his lip. "But this isn't something you need to be okay with to do."

 

"You are really confusing me." Meeks told him. They smiled through the confusion. "I'm confusing myself." He admitted. "But I just.. Damn it. Stephen Meeks, you are the greatest guy I've ever met. Like, ever. You might be scared of clowns and your breath smells every morning and you're impulsive, but I love all of that about you. I love  _everything_ about you. I never want to stop loving every single fucking thing about you. I am just madly in love, goddamn it."

 

There wasn't silence. The fair was noisy around them, and as they stayed dangling in the air, it echoed in their ears and filled the space where Meeks took it all in. Pitts shook, but he kept smiling. He wasn't scared now. He wished he was scared, but he didn't feel anything except adrenaline and rush and the thought that he finally fucking said it. Meeks then laughed, a short and joyful laugh, an honest laugh. "That's incredible. Because, man- I feel the exact same way."

 

"You're fucking kidding me."

 

Meeks shook his head and kept laughing. Pitts joined him, shocked and goddamn happy about it. They came back down, and they left the ferris wheel with intertwined hands. The last of their money was spent on funnel cake, shared between them while they waited for everyone else to be done with their own fair adventures. Everyone else seemed ecstatic and full of energy- Charlie was covered in paint and sugar, and Cameron had his arms full of stuffed animals. They simply smiled, and piled back into the van, driving out into the night. Their tiger sat between them, as their heads nestled on each other's shoulders.


	29. A Moment of Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie Dalton takes some time to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE'RE NOT DEAD YET

Charlie may not have been known for good driving, but he wouldn’t say he was inherently  _ bad. _

 

He at least didn’t think that when he drove by himself, without much plan. Destinations and people always stressed him out. Charlie was much more in his element when he only had to worry about himself.

 

This proved the most true in the early days of their last month, when he took it upon himself to sneak out when everyone was asleep. Charlie managed to take the keys without much trouble, seeing as Neil had driven them all earlier, and he slipped out without anyone batting an eye. The employee sitting at the check in didn’t even look at him, too invested in a movie on his phone. Charlie pitied the guy.

 

Once he was in the van, something inside him relaxed. He lit up a joint and took off. He didn’t have much destination, or plan. He just drove until he saw the sign for a 24 hour diner that sounded appealing, grabbing a hot chocolate and some biscuits to go. From there, he sat in the parking lot, curled into the back and thinking.

 

This wasn’t that odd for Charlie. Sure, he was often fond of proclaiming everything to his friends, or being around anyone who’d give him a second of attention. But there were times where Charlie liked his space. He liked the silence of the van, the weird sense of comfort it gave him to just sit and have his moment.

 

He never thought about much. Nothing revolutionary, really. It was pretty dumb stuff. How he would say things to people, all his insecurities gathering up and hitting him dead in the face. It was never any big deal. Tonight was no different. He thought about the trip. About all the good it had done him and his friends, about Neil and Todd and their whole delightful situation, about how they would go their own ways within a few weeks. Charlie pulled smoke into his lungs with a weird sort of scowl. God, that would be the worst part, wouldn’t it? Not just going to different colleges as your partners, but different colleges as your friends. Charlie could say that he didn’t care, they were all assholes anyway, but he knew himself better than that. They were his rock. He’d never admit it so simply. But in truth, he depended on them a little to get through his dysphoric moments or his weird, tight-run-ship family. Charlie wasn’t sure how he could handle college without at least one of them. And none of them were certain what their plans were.

 

It shook him a little, and he tried to sip his hot chocolate to calm him down.

 

That just burned his tongue and made him curse.

 

As if on cue, Charlie’s phone blared Gwen Stefani at him- the signal for a phone call- and he groaned as he answered. “Who the fuck-”

 

“Charlie?” Neil’s worried voice echoed on the other end, and Charlie gulped. “Neil, the hell are you doing up? It’s got to be almost two!” “I could be asking you the same damn thing. Where are you? I woke up, you’re nowhere in the hotel-” Neil paused, and he heard the burning ash of cigarettes. Faint, but still there. “I didn’t see the van either.”

 

“Look, Neil-” Charlie sighed and rubbed his face. “I’m not far. I got some food, I’m okay. Just needed to think without your snoring in my ear.” His tone was only a tad playful, avoiding making Neil annoyed. “I’ll be back soon. I just needed some alone time.”

 

Silence crackled on the other end, and Charlie imagined Neil trying to be stern in his head but failing to really get it. “Everything okay?” He asked. His tone was less angry-worried and more worried-worried. Charlie smiled. “Yes, doofus. Now go to bed, I’ll bring you a biscuit-” “I’ll wait.” Neil insisted. “I wasn’t having a great time sleeping anyway. You let me get cold when you left.”

 

A small laugh escaped his lips. “Sorry, Perry. But I’ll be back soon. Love ya.” Charlie bit his lip, and Neil muttered a reply in embarrassment before hanging up. He felt his heart melt a little, before going back up to the front and starting the car. It took less time to get back to the hotel than it did to leave, and Charlie wondered if getting back to Neil made it seem that way. He saw him standing under the loading zone lights, smoke curling from his fingers.

 

Charlie sighed to himself. He didn’t know how he was going to make it without having someone like Neil to go home to. Or someone like Todd, who joined him in the few minutes after he parked. They looked tired, worried. It made him feel guilty, but loved.

 

He kept that thought of being without them all the way up to the hotel room.


	30. Tension over breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Todd and Pitts have a discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost done with this and I'm so excited to show you all how it wraps up!! I especially love this chapter- short and sweet.

Todd never thought he’d be so happy in the morning in his  _ life. _ Usually, you couldn’t pull him out of bed until at least noon. He was not a morning person. But, on this particular morning, he was… a lot more upbeat. He had a large smile on his face. If anyone had seen him, they would be very uncomfortable with this change.

 

It was super early, and so far, Todd was the only one up. He was seated at a table in the dining area, breakfast as fresh as a dingy hotel in Virginia could manage. But he wasn’t even eating it. Todd was thinking about something else entirely.

 

That something was definitely not age appropriate. Long story short, the last night was wonderful.

 

Todd was snapped out of his weird daze by footsteps, softened by the carpet. He half expected to stare at his bagel for the rest of the morning to avoid any strange eye contact, but he was relieved to see Pitts stumbling out. The minute they saw each other, it was like some weird telepathic link yelled at them. They could both see that weird morning after glow. Pitts’ face lit up red, and Todd swore he could feel his do the same.

 

Quickly, Pitts grabbed himself some breakfast and went to sit across from Todd. It was a weird few minutes, at first. They didn’t speak. What the fuck could they say? ‘Hey, congrats, who did you bone?’

 

Well, they  _ could _ say that, but felt more on Charlie’s level of thinking than on Todd’s.

 

They ate in silence for what felt like hours, both thinking the exact same things, before Pitts managed to speak up. “So…” He started mid chew of his eggs. “You, uh… have a good night?”

 

“Y-Yeah.” Todd said, tapping his fingers. “Good night. Slept… great. You?”

 

“Yeah. Totally. Yeah.” Pitts muttered.

 

More silence passed, and Todd swore he could cut the tension with a knife. A sword. Maybe he’d need tools to chisel it with. Why could no one else wake the fuck up and help them?

 

“Okay, damn it,” Pitts said out of nowhere. He looked at Todd for the first time since he walked in, and leaned forward like he was telling a secret. “...Who? How, even- you share a room with two other people?”

 

“You share a room with three!” Todd hissed, looking around nervously. Why wasn’t he nervous? Honestly, when is Todd Anderson not nervous? “How did you pull it off?”

 

Pitts managed to grin a little, biting the inside of his lip. “We were quiet. But, seriously, who and how?”

 

Todd groaned, rubbing his face. “Uh… Neil… and Charlie?” His voice was quiet, and muffled by his hands hiding his face. Pitts stared at him, barely managing to hide the cocky smile he wore. “...At once?”

 

“Jesus- yeah, whatever. Now you tell me your situation.”

 

Another beat of silence, and Todd looked up to see Pitts redder than ever. It amazed him how embarrassed the poor guy still was. “...Meeks.” He said, with zero confidence. Todd blinked. “Holy shit. Holy  _ shit _ , dude.”

 

“Shut up!” Pitts said. But Todd didn’t even register is. He just started to laugh softly, trying to cover it up. “Sorry, I’m not laughing at you- that’s just perfect! Like, really fitting. Why wasn’t that my first guess?”

 

After a minute, Pitts managed to start laughing with him, and the two just ended up letting out their weird tension through even weirder laughing. They probably got a lot of looks from guests and staffs that might have passed by, but they didn’t even notice. Eventually, their laughter died out, and they ended up talking about various things for the rest of breakfast, ranging from boyfriends to memories to the shit quality of the food. The rest of their friends piled out over time, making a large group, and Todd felt something warm up in his chest as he watched them all talk, noticed how they acted towards each other. He played especially close attention to Pitts and Meeks, gently resting on each other and whispering to themselves from time to time.

 

How the hell hadn’t the noticed them earlier?


	31. Impactful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the end takes place. Neil watches it all play out. It scares him. (bit of violence in this chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brief warning for some violence!

Neil hated everything about the situation he was in.

 

It was early morning. The sky was purple, and the sun had barely peaked over the horizon to greet them. Everyone was piled into the van, mopey and tired as hell. Cameron sat at the wheel. No music blared through the speakers. It was cold. 

 

This was… basically their last van adventure. Well, the last one before they all went home and then found their ways to college (or, wherever they wanted to go, really). No one had been looking forward to the end of the trip. And he really meant no one. Todd seemed more nervous than ever, which said a lot, Charlie had inhaled far too much smoke than usual- Pitts and Meeks barely even talked the whole ride through. It was dead quiet. Uncomfortable, ever. Neil wanted to do anything to stop it. At least then, he wouldn’t have so much time to himself to think. Because for once, he wanted to avoid thinking.

 

Right now, Neil was faced with two weird choices about his future. He could go to Harvard like his father wanted. He could become a doctor, live an average middle-class life with an average middle-class wife and an average middle-class job, and die in that averageness. Or, he could do virtually anything else he wanted. Go to an art school, follow Todd or Charlie to their schools, forget school entirely, study under Mr. Keating. He knew which one he wanted, which one he hated. But he also knew what would keep him in a good relationship with his parents, which also gave him some decent support (financially, at least). Neil knew every possibility he would face with whatever choice he made.

 

And it scared him that he still didn’t know what his choice was going to be to begin with.

 

His thoughts had mostly muted whatever conversation had been going on, and when he tapped back in, there wasn’t much to hear to begin with. Charlie had a weird, sort of smile on his face that looked tense and unreal.

 

“Geez, you guys are like Droopy the damn dog.” He muttered, lighting yet another cigarette and pulling the smoke into his lungs. “I mean, we still have tonight! Let’s make the best of it!”

 

“How do you propose we do that, Charlie?” Knox spoke up, his eyes focused on a letter he was trying to write to Chris. Charlie wrapped his arm around his friend’s shoulder and sighed dreamily. “Oh, you know. Hookers, drugs. Getting a leg up on other college freshmen when it comes to partying!”

 

Neil scoffed, barely smiling. “You are fucking insane.”

 

Todd leaned his head onto Neil’s shoulder, humming in agreement. “Yeah. I doubt any of us would even know what to do with a hooker. Especially you, Charlie, you’d be like a deer in the headlights with something like that.”

 

“Hardy har har, you’re so funny, Todd.” Charlie rolled his eyes and  moved to his knees, making himself a little taller. “But I’m serious, guys. Let’s just blow it all on that shit! Full on Dead Poet Society party, just like the smoke-outs in the cave, but without the small space and even more of the weed! Hell, maybe even more of the poetry, if we really want to devote! I mean, hey- it’ll be far more interesting than listening to Cameron reading his little prayer book or whatever the hell he does in his room.” Everyone managed a soft chuckle at that, silently agreeing.

 

“Shut up, Dalton.” Cameron muttered in a tone that… wasn’t his usual one. It felt off. But, only if you really payed attention. The difference was small. Charlie look backed and laughed once, bringing the cigarette to his lips. “Aw, come on, Cameron, don’t be such a fucking grouch ass-”

 

“I said shut it, Charlie!”

 

The van went quiet in seconds. Charlie blinked. His smile started to falter. “Hey, man, I was just joking.” “Well, I’m sick of your jokes.” Cameron spat out. “You know, you think you’re some entitled badass, just because, what? You’re gender confused, you’re rich? None of that makes you as punk or tough as you like to think you are, so maybe stop going on about shit like drugs and spend your few brain cells thinking about being respectable.”

 

Neil didn’t want to say the tension could be cut with a knife. That wouldn’t suffice. It would need more than a damn knife. Charlie fully turned around to the driver, something dark and angry in his eyes. Not his usual anger. Something that felt much more personal. “You don’t know fucking  _ shit _ . I don’t think I’m some ‘entitled badass’- it was a fucking joke. And what the fuck does my gender have to do with this? Nothing. Can you maybe pull that giant stick out of your ass? Maybe then you’d realize that, you know- I’m not as entitled and bitchy as you are.”

 

Cameron scoffed. “Bullshit.”

 

They all saw the clench in Charlie’s hand. They saw it- probably before he even did it. They all saw the way Charlie grit his teeth. “God- you know, Richard, I wonder why the fuck you even bothered to hang around me if you think that. Maybe it’s because we all pity you too much to tell you that you are a fucking  _ rat _ .”

 

It was like a blur, what happened next. Knox tried to open his mouth and stop it, but he didn’t have a moment to spare before Cameron let go of the wheel and tried to crawl back and get Charlie. Chaos erupted around it. Charlie didn’t even seem to mind- they went at each other like animals. The boys in the back tried to break it up, pull Charlie away or push Cameron off. Pitts, the hero he was, lunged for the steering wheel and tried his best to just keep the car steady. Neil swore he saw blood.

 

“You bitch, you fucking trash bitch-” Cameron grunted, flailing as he fought. “Guys, both of you,  _ enough _ !” Neil tried in vain to yell. It was no use.

 

Suddenly, time slowed. Neil looked up. He saw Cameron’s foot crash into Pitts and knock him over. The wheel started to spin violently. His chest clenched.

  
“ _ CAMERON- _ ”


	32. The End. And, The Beginning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened after, and how it affected them.

The street light shone down on them, bright and orange. It covered only a small area of the road. You only saw the van. You didn’t see the glass, the metal. The rubber tire prints. The blue and red of the lights.

 

You didn’t see the bit of blood in the window.

 

You couldn’t see any of it in the early morning light.

 

A police officer stood in the wreckage, horrified. He saw the boys in the van, some crying and scared, others knocked out cold. At the very least, no one had been lost to the crash.

 

But what an ugly crash it was.

 

The van they had been in had swerved off the road entirely, flipping and smashing into a tree. The officer thanked God that the ditch they’d fallen down wasn’t too steep. Still, it did a number on the vehicle- and some of the people inside.

 

“What have we got, chief?” The police officer called. Another officer looked his direction, and slowly made his way over, smoke curling from his lips.

 

“They’ll be fine. Two of them got hurt bad, though. They’re gonna be stuck in the hospital for… who knows how long.”

 

The first officer grimaced, releasing a shaky breath. His eyes went to the few who’d stayed conscious. There were four. One of them, a freckled redhead, had his face in his hands. His shoulders shook. Guilt washed over the officer. “At least they’ll be okay.”

 

The other officer said nothing. Just drew in more smoke, and watched people try to pick up the pieces the van had broken into.

 

* * *

 

 

Knox felt sick. Not in a usual, ready to throw up or dealing with a headache sick.

 

He felt like the world was spinning and his intestines would fling out of his body.

 

The hospital waiting room was quiet, save for mumbles, rings, beeps, and Cameron’s shakey breathing. Neil and Meeks had managed to fall asleep after what felt like hours of crying. Thinking about it, Knox had been the only one who hadn’t cried. He was just numb.

 

Cameron was the one shedding the most tears. Ever since he’d come too, and seen the wreck. He shook and sobbed and while they got him down to a softer cry, he wouldn’t stop. It wracked Knox with a weird guilt. No one had bothered to speak the whole time they’d been there. He wanted to say something- anything. Maybe Cameron had been an asshole before it all happened, maybe he’d been an asshole from the beginning. But it was just as scary for him. Just as real.

 

God. It was real.

 

Cameron sat up then, staring out at nothing. Knox turned. Something in Cameron looked disgusted.

 

“This is my fault.” His voice shuddered. He sounded like a scared kid. “I-I should have just… kept my fucking mouth shut. I shouldn’t have tried to be so above him, he was just joking, why do I always do that-”

 

“Cameron-” Knox’s voice faltered, but he reached out to his friend. “Don’t beat yourself up over this-”

 

“I was driving!” Cameron snapped. His hands trembled. “I was at the wheel, I shouldn’t have let it get to me and let go! Now- Now, my friends are hurt,  _ Charlie _ got hurt. Knox, I can’t just  _ not _ beat myself up!”

 

Knox felt his throat clench up. He was right. It mostly was his fault, and part of him wanted to be angry as he thought about that. But a majority of him knew better. “He didn’t help the situation either. He might have started the whole thing, and did you react well? Not in the slightest. But you didn’t want anyone to get hurt. You know what you did was wrong, and… we can’t change that this happened. It hurts. It sucks. But we can’t change it. Charlie will be fine- everyone is going to be okay. We just… we need to breathe, and when Charlie wakes up, you two are gonna sit down and sort out your shit.”

 

Cameron paused. He almost managed a sad smile. Knox felt his chest get lighter. “By the way- we don’t think you’re a rat. Maybe you can be a little too uptight, but you’re not a rat. We don’t pity you.”

 

“Good.” Cameron muttered, grabbing a tissue and wiping his eyes. He’d finally stopped crying. “I was worried about that.”

 

Knox nodded, staring ahead.

 

“Also, we’re never letting you drive again.”

 

* * *

 

Hours passed them by. Items were salvaged from the wreck and brought to the boys, Cameron had gone to get them rooms for the next few nights. Meeks swore he had come in and out of consciousness the whole time. Not because he was tired. He just… didn’t want to face it.

 

Face the anger. The worry. Pitts.

 

Meeks had tried to stay asleep. But, when it was only Neil and him waiting, it was hard to pretend. They had migrated to the room where Todd, Charlie, and Pitts were resting. He was staring at Pitts, right across from him. His face was scratched, with bandages covering his cheeks and a cast on his arm. He looked fake. It wasn’t Pitts in that bed. It couldn’t be.

 

“Meeks?” Neil’s voice rang through the air, and he turned, feeling a sting in his eyes that he thought he’d gotten rid of a while ago. Neil’s expression was soft. Worn out, tired, and worried. Meeks blinked, and rubbed at his eyes. “Sorry, I… spaced out.”

 

“It’s okay.” Neil gave him a smile. Even now, Meeks was thankful for that stupid positive charm Neil had. But he didn’t smile back. He just turned to look at Pitts again.

 

“He looks almost nice like this.” Meeks mumbled, a hand clenching around his glasses. They sat in his lap, almost completely shattered. He had broken them one too many times on this trip. Neill hummed in agreement. “He’s going to be okay, Steven. Pitts is tough. He survived thirteen years of school with that last name, he’ll make it out of this.”

 

Meeks barely laughed, feeling his soul shake.

 

“What’s funny is that… I can’t even remember how he got like this.” Meeks said. He looked at Neil, saw the tightness in his face. “All I can think back to it Cameron going after Charlie. Then…”

 

“I know.” Neil interrupted, looking at Charlie. Something in his eyes changed. Meeks didn’t know what it was. “It’s like… it felt like a dream you can’t remember when you wake up.”

 

Meeks blinked. Pitts shuffled, and he snapped his head towards him, heart pounding. Nothing.

 

“Yeah. A dream.”

 

* * *

 

 

Todd woke up to a monitor beep.

 

He felt dizzy. The world was dark. He knew he was somewhere, but he couldn’t tell where. Everything hurt. It was sharp, burning. Why did he hurt?

 

He shot awake, the adrenaline rushing to his head when he really woke up. His brain reeled. The joke, Neil’s heartbeat, the screaming, the crash.

 

“Todd?” Neil sat up, immediately going over to stand by his bed. “Todd, hey- it’s okay.”

 

“Neil?” His chest felt tight. “What happened? Where’s everyone- where’s Charlie-”

 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, calm down.” Neil spoke softly, but worriedly, taking his hand. “You’re okay. Everyone’s fine. Ground yourself, Todd.”

 

It took a minute, but Todd gathered himself enough and started to calm down. The fear and unrecognition settled into tiny thoughts. He was safe. He was alive. Neil was alive. “But, where…”

 

“We’re in a hospital in Pennsylvania.” Neil said, pulling up a chair. “We crashed. It was… bad. But, no one got too badly hurt. Pitts broke his arm, we think Charlie got a concussion and got cut deep on glass, but that’s all been taken care of.”

 

Oh, God. Todd felt like puking. He sat up slow, feeling his sore body tense. “I… I’m glad no one got hurt bad… Our van?”

 

“Totaled. We got our stuff from it, but the van is pretty much scrap metal.”

 

Todd nodded, looking around. He saw Charlie and Pitts on opposite sides of him, still asleep. The room was barren of anyone else. He furrowed his brow, squeezing Neil’s hand in worry. Neil squeezed back. “Cameron and Knox got hotel rooms for us. Meeks is getting some food for everyone.”

 

That made him feel better. He turned to Neil, ready to speak- but, he saw some dried blood on his forehead. “Hey- you got hurt.”

 

Neil reached up to his head, and Todd gently touched the blood. His forehead was hot. “Oh, that- just got cut up on some of the glass. Nothing too bad.”

 

“You’re feeling okay?” Todd asked. Neil paused, then nodded. “Yeah. Tired. Worried about the others. But, I’ve been worse.”

 

It was mostly quiet after that. Meeks came back, and they shared a small meal while talking about anything except the crash. And when Meeks and Neil had to go (which Todd hated more than any other option), it stayed quiet. His eyes focused on the patterns in the ceiling. According to nurse reports, he could leave in the morning- nothing really happened to him, he just got tossed around too much. He was thankful. Still, something in his chest crawled around uncomfortably. The remaining boys beside him and their lack of responses made it worse.

 

Todd feared the worst.

 

* * *

 

_ “Grace?” _

 

It sounded distant in his ears. Not all there- a whisper.

 

_ “Grace, sweet heart-” _

 

Charlie’s core shuddered at the name. He hadn’t heard it in years. He tried to ignore it, he tuned out the noise-

 

“Grace.”

 

His eyes opened. The light was bright, and uncomfortable. He blinked. Above him, a nurse stood smiling. Her hair was pulled back tight, and her teeth were unnaturally white. “Good morning, Grace! I’m Angella, I’m taking care of you during your stay here.”

 

Charlie felt himself frowning. He tried to sit up, give her the low down on the whole situation she was clearly missing, but a jagged pain ran up his side and he hissed. His hand went to hold it, and the felt damp bandages. Angella put a hand on his shoulder, guiding him down again. “Whoa, whoa, don’t get too excited- you’re in bad shape. But, don’t worry, you should heal up within the week!”

 

...He was missing something here. He looked around the room, trying to find a face he knew, answers to why he was there. There was a missing piece in the timeline. Seeing no one, and nothing to give him clarity, he looked at the nurse again. “What… happened? How long have I been out?”

 

“Oh, just a day. You and your friends were in a bad wreck near the interstate, I hear.” She told him, going back to her smile. “So! I’m gonna check up on your fluids and your bandages, and I’ll be out of the way, Grace!”

 

He didn’t say anything to that. Just curled up (to the best of his ability), and waited for her to go. He hated not having his cell phone. He especially hated being alone. Was everyone else in another room? Was he the only one in the hospital?

 

Where the fuck were Neil and Todd?

 

Charlie tried not to panic. Over the stupid name his parents gave him, over the harsh emptiness of the room, over the pain in his body and the fear that followed with it. He tried. He didn’t really succeed, but he tried. He sat alone, hearing every tick of the clock there and staring at a cord phone just out of his reach. He would have made it if his whole left side didn’t feel like knives were embedded in his fucking skin. Charlie wondered if they were waiting out there. Would the hospital let them in? It worried him that they might not. Were they just as scared as he was?

 

Then, like a gift from whatever God there was, the door creaked open. Actually, it slammed open. Neil was the first one in, panic on his face until he actually looked at Charlie. Then, they got full of fire and excitement, and he rushed over to bury him in a hug. Charlie didn’t hesitate to hug back, burying his face into his chest and holding back a cry. “Jesus Christ, Nuwanda, you scared me half to death!” Neil muttered into his hair. Charlie didn’t speak. He wanted to, but what could he say?

 

Footsteps followed after, and before he could even look to see who it was, four other bodies were almost piled on top of him. Todd barely managed to get close, but he squirmed his way in to kiss Charlie’s cheek. “We were so worried when you didn’t wake up- are you okay? How do you feel?”

 

“I’m fine, Jesus, you saps.” Charlie said before wriggling his way out of their grasps.  Even if he’d missed them, the lack of a chest binder was giving him issues. Everyone stepped back some, still trying to say their thanks that he was alive, but he looked past them. Cameron stood behind them all, hands in his pockets. He looked guilty. Charlie tried not to scowl.

 

Slowly, everyone noticed the change and moved to let the two be. Cameron tried multiple times to speak, but nothing came out for a long time. Charlie didn’t  _ blink _ . He honestly didn’t want to look at that asshole for another fifty years. If it didn’t hurt so bad, he had half a mind to go and smack him senseless. After a minute, Cameron stepped forward, exhaling. “So… I fucked up.”

 

“An understatement.” Charlie spat, and he saw Cameron almost go defensive, but Knox went to put a hand on his shoulder. The redhead relaxed. “Yeah. It was. Charlie… Nuwanda. I shouldn’t have snapped on you. I just, y’know, you can be kind of a dick about some things. But… I can too.”

 

Charlie considered that. He had a point- he could be a bit of an asshole. But, it was never supposed to be serious. “...Alright. I admit, I’m a dick sometimes. Just as long as you get that you are too. And that the stuff you said in the van was beyond uncool.”

 

“We’re  _ well _ past that.” Cameron huffed, and Charlie managed to laugh a little bit. With the tension mostly dispersed, everyone came back around to the bed. Charlie leaned back, and talked his heart out. He held Neil and Todd’s hands. He felt his pain melting away.

 

He even forgot the name Grace existed.

 

* * *

 

It was a nearly agonizing wait.

 

Charlie, already impatient, had trouble trying to stay still and not hurt his side with the fresh stitches. He managed to mess them up every day for a week. Neil found it sort of amazing how he did that. So, the waiting process was even harder to deal with than before. By the time the week was supposed to be over, everyone else had found other ways home. They all had early activities to deal with. Thankfully, Todd and Charlie had yet to even choose what school they wanted to go to. So, they had time.

 

The worst of it was when Charlie got out. While the time he’d been in the hospital had sucked in the moment, Neil might have stayed there forever if it meant they’d stay together. Now, they had to leave. They had to choose their paths. Neil had to face his greatest fear.

 

They rented a car and drove up to Charlie’s. He’d be stuck at home for a while to really get the whole healing process taken care of. And, since all his other siblings were at their own boarding schools or already graduated, at least he’d have space to himself. It felt like it took no time to get there. The tall trees and rich neighborhoods were almost immediate. Charlie’s house loomed tallest, white and aging. Neil took his sweet time lifting Charlie from the back seat and placing him in the loaned out wheelchair from the hospital. Actually, it was stolen, but they wouldn’t tell anyone that.

 

All their eyes went up to the house. There was something about it, about standing even near it, that felt like a swift end.

 

“So,” Todd spoke up. “...What now?”

 

That was the question Neil had been asking himself for ages. And yet, he still didn’t have an answer. He sighed, trying to avoid their eyes. “...I guess, we just call it quits. We can’t handle something so far apart. I wish we could, but… None of us could, I can’t lie.”

 

Charlie shrugged. “Well, no one’s decided anything, right?”

 

Neil scoffed. “Please, I might as well have my PhD now- maybe it would get my dad off my back.”

 

A tense silence was replaced with the chirping of birds, soft and distant. Todd rocked on his heels and picked at his sleeves. “I don’t want this to end.” He muttered. “I mean- you guys have been the greatest part of my entire life. Even without the whole relationship thing. It’s bad enough that we said goodbye to the others, but…” Todd stopped, trying not to let his voice crack. “I can’t leave this behind.”

 

Neil looked at him, seeing the way he squeezed his eyes shut so he didn’t cry. His own eyes stung. “What can we do? I mean- did we even apply to the same schools? What are the chances?”

 

“I mean,” Charlie muttered. “I applied to a lot of schools. We all did.”

 

Todd nodded in agreement, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. Charlie took his hand and squeezed it tightly. “What about… that one school we toured in New York? It had a good art program, from what I hear.”

 

“You think I could get away with ditching my dad’s whole dream?” Neil asked, skeptical. Charlie looked at him and sighed. “You are thinking far too into the negative, Perry. Sure, it’ll be tough to shake off your dad, I get it. But you’re eighteen. A full grown adult, who got into a school in New York, and is friends with at least  _ five _ rich kids. I alone could fund your college experience.” He told him. “So, get your head out of your pretty little ass and do what you want.”

 

“Never call my ass pretty again.” Neil said. But, he laughed while he said it. “Fine. I think I got accepted there, but what about you two?”

 

“I wouldn’t have brought it up if I hadn’t.” Todd shrugged, and Charlie grinned. “Eh, if I didn’t, I can pull strings.”

 

The birds kept chirping, even though the tense silence had passed. Neil felt warm. “Alright. Then it’s decided. We’ll go to New York. But, seriously, Charlie, you’re gonna have to help a  _ lot _ .” “I already help by being here.” Charlie smirked. “And it’s Nuwanda, damn it.”

 

Todd and Neil rolled their eyes. “Whatever, Nuwanda, let’s just get you inside.” Todd said, grabbing the handles of the wheelchair and going to the door. Neil lagged behind, looking at them, the house, and the rented car. He could see the face of anger on his father’s wrinkled face. He could see the pride shining on Mr. Keating’s younger one.

 

He smiled. Then, he stepped inside, and started to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has taken MONTHS but it's FINALLY DONE. I'm so proud of this work and I'm gonna miss writing for it. Thank you all for reading and sticking through this long ass fic.


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